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Autor: anton 30 May 2011
Words: 3310 | Pages: 14
A Midsummer's Night Dream
Presented by class 07A301
Fairies-The Fairy Godmother
Fairies-The Tooth Fairy
Fairies-The Blue Fairy
Narrator 1: 07A301 presents their adaptation of Shakespeare's Ð’â€˜A Midsummer's Night Dream'.
[Star Wars theme song]
Narrator 2: A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away-
Narrator 1: Wrong story!
Narrator 2: Oops.
Narrator 1: A wedding drew near, in the palace of Theseus,
Four days to go, before Hippolyta was his missus.
Narrator 2: Philostrate was sent, to arrange for entertainment,
When Egeus entered with a serious complaint.
Narrator 1: His daughter refused to wed her father's choice,
She would only wed Lysander; she spoke in a clear voice.
Narrator 2: Demetrius was a worthy gentleman, yes she concurred,
But her heart was with Lysander, should it not be heard?
Narrator 1: Theseus declared she had till his wedding night,
To choose between death, Demetrius and a virgin life.
[Lights switched on. Lysander and Hermia are standing next to each other as if in conversation.]
Lysander: Hermia, I have a very important question to ask you.
[She looks at him expectantly]
Lysander: There is no one else in the universe I'd like to jump out of a plane, without a parachute, with. [Kneels down] So, would you like to be my co-pilot and spend the rest of your days with me?
[Person with placard "Awww!"]
Hermia: This is the happiest day of my life! Even more so than the time I performed my first open-heart surgery!
Lysander: Is that a yes?
Hermia: Stethoscopes! What about my father? He disapproves of our relationship!
Lysander: So what are we going to do?
Hermia: I don't know. What do you want to do?
Lysander: I don't know. What do you want to do?
[They look sheepishly at the angry narrator]
Lysander: Wait a minute. My mother's brother's cousin-in-law, who also happens to be my godmother, lives on the outskirts of the city. We go to her place and get hitched! She keeps her mouth shut so I can guarantee she won't tell a soul.
Hermia: Honey, you are the greatest thing since the invention of the CAT scan! Let's leave stat!
Lysander: Okay, take-off will be at 1800 hours. Hey look, there's Helena at 3 o'clock!
[Helena enters stage right]
Hermia: Helena! What's wrong? You look like you have a bad case of appendicitis! Wait! Don't tell me. It's about Demetrius again, isn't it?
Helena: I would say no, but since you are my best friend and the second other person in the whole world who understands me, yes. I mean, you're never nice to him, but he's still hopelessly devoted to you. O, teach me how you look; and with what art, you sway the motion of Demetrius' heart!
Lysander: Kid, get over him. How many times have you sunk into one of your depressed moods already?
Helena: This would be [Unrolls a long scroll] the three thousandth, eight hundred and fifty-seventh time. [Adds another stroke]
Hermia: Well, don't worry, I'm sure he'll soon come to his senses and see what he's missing. Why? Because I have the pill for your problem; the cure for your conditionÐ’â€”
Helena: Hermia, quit talking like doctor and tell me what is it?
Hermia: We're eloping!
Helena: That's wonderful! [Realises her mistake] I mean, really? I'm so happy for you!
Lysander: We are going to my mother's brother's cousin-in-law's, who also happens to be my godmother, house, on the outskirts of the city, to get married. Actually, we should leave now before enemy fighters spot us.
Hermia: Take care Helena! And remember, no chili, curry or spicy food, and drink 8 glasses a day! [Writes her a prescription]
Lysander: Hey kid, the course of true love never did run smooth. So, fasten your seatbelt; it's going to be a bumpy ride! [Gives her a salute]
[Lysander and Hermia leave from the left staircase. Demetrius enters right.]
Demetrius: [sees the pair fleeing] Hey!
[Everyone freezes. Helena faces the audience.]
Helena: All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up! [Spotlight on her] This is my chance. If I distract him, maybe he'll forget about Hermia, and love me again. What's that line again? Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. [Pauses to look at him] I want him to be happy. I don't think I have the heart to deceive him. What should I do? Decisions, decisionsÐ’â€¦
[Helena turns to Demetrius, as everyone unfreezes. Lights come back on.]
Demetrius: I just saw Hermia and that Juvenile Delinquent-masquerading-as-a-pilot run off! Where are they going? The court demands an answer, Helena!
Helena: Huh? [Looks blur]
Demetrius: [Exasperated] Helena, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Helena: [Raises her hand] I, Helena, herebyÐ’â€”Wait, what am I doing? [Puts her hand down] You're trying to trick me, aren't you, Demetrius?
Demetrius: [Snaps at her] I don't have time for games Helena. Stop pretending, because I can see right through your devious schemes. What happened between usÐ’â€¦it's all over now.
Helena: I know, but if you would just calm downÐ’â€”
Demetrius: My fiancÐ“Â© and her boyfriend are running off to God-knows-where and you're telling me to calm down? [Looks threateningly at her]
Helena: They're going to Lysander's mother's brother's cousin-in-law's, who also happens to be his godmother, house, on the outskirts of the city, to get married! Please don't be mad!
Demetrius: [Starts after them] They'd better not already tied the knot, or there'll be hell to pay. There will be order in this court, if it's the last thing I do!
Helena: Wait! Don't go, Demetrius. I have to tell you something! [Runs after him and grabs his sleeve] Please, listen to me!
Demetrius: Let me go! [Pulls away] You of all people should know the penalty for interfering with legal investigations! If I remember correctly, I applied for a restraining order for you. 50-mile radius, Helena, 50-mile radius. Stop. Following. Me. [Rolls his eyes] Jeez. What a leech! Women!
[Person with placard "Booo!"]
[He exits stage left]
Helena: But, I love you! [Sighs] I'd better follow him and maybe, just maybe, I'll have a chance to win back his love. Damn that stupid restraining order! Who does he think I am, some kind of stalker?
[She exits stage left]
[Oberon enters stage right]
Oberon: My god, did you see that? The Mud people are at it again!
[Puck enters stage right, as if in a hurry]
Puck: Did I miss anything, your Majesty?
Oberon: Just a spectacular show of how Mud people experience difficulties in their mating rituals. So barbaric! I'm glad we're not one of them.
[Puck nods her head vigorously]
Oberon: And the one with the worst behaviour was the last guy, whats-his-name-again, Demetrius! [Goes to the audience] That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call chauvinism. And do you know what we do to chauvinistic pigs?
Puck: Ooh! Pick me, pick me, your Majesty! [Puck excitedly waves her hand, jumping up and down. Oberon gestures for Puck to speak] We hunt them down and kill them!
Oberon: Oh, stop being such a Drama Queen! But since I'm so bored, I might as well have some fun with these ignorant Mud People. What do you think? [Turns to face Puck]
Puck: Are you thinking what I'm thinking, your Majesty?
Oberon: That Chihuahuas have freakishly large ears? I mean, compared to the rest of their body, they're like massive!
Puck: No! Love-in-idleness! The flower!
Oberon: Puck, you're a genius! It's so simple; I'm surprised I didn't think of it myself! All we have to do is cause that destructive Demetrius to fall asleep and spray some of the juice of the Love-in-idleness flower on his eyes. He will fall head over heels in love with the first thing he sees, which will be Helena. Why, it's brilliant! Gather the rest of the fairies to help you, okay? Oh, and remind me to promote you to Senior Creative Director when you get back.
[Oberon exits stage right]
Puck: Will the real fairies please stand up?
[The four fairies enter from the front, up the stairs]
Fairy godmother: Over hill, over dale, through bush, through brier
Tooth Fairy: Over park, over pale, through flood, through fire
Blue Fairy: We do wander every where, swifter than the full moon's sphere
Puck: Okay people, introduction time! [Goes up to each fairy and calls out her name] This is the lovely Tinkerbell, all the way from Neverland! And this is the magnanimous Fairy Godmother; she won Best Fairy Award last year for her success with Cinderella. And over here, we have the charming Tooth Fairy! Due to the GST rise to 7%, she has also upped the amount left under pillows to $1.07! Liar, liar, pants on fire! Last but most definitely not least, we have the radiant Blue Fairy from Pinocchio!
Puck: All right ladies, we have a mission. Fairy godma, you and Tootsie scour the forest for Demetrius. Find the sucker even if you have to turn every leaf! Tink and Blue, you're job is to find Love-in-idleness. It's a white-and-purple flower, and about this big. [Gestures with hands] After you're done, report back to me immediately. Got that? Okay, everybody, go, go, go!
[Fairies disperse through the front, while Puck exits stage right]
[Lysander and Hermia come down from the staircase and enter stage left.]
Lysander: I think we've run out of gas. We need to find a place to rest and refuel.
Hermia: Yup, we'll need a lot of rest. It's a long trip tomorrow. [Scribbles on pad and tears paper to give to Lysander] This is to excuse you from duty.
Lysander: Hey, that looks to be a good place to land.
Lysander: 11 o'clock.
Hermia: This sure looks cozy. Tell you what, I'll sleep in this corner, and you can rest over there. Have sweet caffeine-free dreams Lysander!
[There is a pile of cushions and pillows at the left corner of the stage. They lie down, and fall asleep.]
[Puck enters stage right.]
Puck: All fairies report!
[The fairies enter and line up in a row]
Puck: Fairy godma and Tootsie, report!
Fairy Godmother: Yes ma'am! These are the co-ordinates of the Mud man's location.
Tooth Fairy: Just enter them into your Fairy GPS tracking system to find him, Ma'am!
Puck: Good job ladies! [Shakes their hands] Dismissed! [They exit] Tink and Blue, step forward!
Blue Fairy: We found it, Ma'am! The white-and-purple flower, just as you said. [Tinkerbell gives Puck the flower]
Puck: Excellent job ladies. Keep up the good work! [Shakes their hands] Dismissed! [They exit]
Puck: Now I'm all set for Operation Love-in-idleness. [Keys in co-ordinates and follows the path shown on the hand-held GPS] This must be the despicable Demetrius.
[Approaches Lysander, and sprays the juice of the flower onto his eyes. Lysander stirs slightly]
Puck: If there's one thing I hate more than pickles, it's men who mistreat women. Hasta la vista, baby! [Laughs] I can't wait to see what happens! [Looks into the distance] Great, Helena is on her way! I better tell His Majesty King Oberon about this. [Pauses] I'll be back!
[Puck exits stage right]
[Helena enters stage right, alone. Oberon and Puck enter only when she starts talking. They keep to the extreme right, to avoid being seen by other actors]
Helena: Dammit! Lost him again! Oh, I hope nothing has happened to him. [Stares around; it is getting darker, hugs herself] I hope nothing happens to me! I hate the dark!
Hey! Isn't that Lysander? What's he doing here? And where's Hermia? [She wakes Lysander up.] Lysander! Wake up man!
[Lysander wakes up and sees Helena]
Lysander: Hello gorgeous.
Helena: What theÐ’â€”
[They both stand up; Helena backs away slowly]
Lysander: Helena, I've been so blind. You are the only woman I want to skydive with. I want to fly around the world with you! [Kneels down] Would youÐ’â€¦would you do me the honour of accepting my proposal?
Helena: Lysander!? I-I-What are you talking about? [Shakes her head]
Lysander: Helena, you are amazing! You're so talented, beautiful and precise. You. Are. Perfect. I would do anything for youÐ’â€”even fly through the Bermuda Triangle!
Helena: Whoa! This is heavy!
Lysander: Gravity has nothing to do with it!
[Hermia wakes up and notices Lysander]
Hermia: Lysander? What is going on? [She notices Helena] Helena? What are you doing here?
Helena: [Shakes her head in disbelief] He's mad. He's mad! Lysander's gone mad! Hermia, help me! Lysander is not in his right mind!
Lysander: That's not true! I have never seen things more clearly! You are the bright spot on my radar; I love you, Helena!
Hermia and Helena: What?!
Hermia: We've got a code blue situation on our hands.
Helena: Are you making fun of me? [Eyes widen.] You are! You are making fun of me! How could you Hermia? I thought you were my friend!
[Flees stage left.]
Lysander: No, no! Don't leave!
[Hermia restrains Lysander, as Helena exits stage left]
[Lysander and Hermia freeze]
Oberon: My god, what have you done!
Oberon: That's not Demetrius! That's Lysander, you silly sprite!
Puck: Houston, we have a problem.
Oberon: Well here's another nice mess you've gotten me into. As your King, I'm ordering you to get Lysander and Hermia together, as well as Demetrius and Helena. Understand? You'd better get this right, Puck, I'm warning you.
Puck: But it wasn't my fault! I thought, I thoughtÐ’â€¦surely you can't be serious!
Oberon: I'm seriousÐ’â€¦and stop calling me Shirley!
Puck: Yes sir, right away sir!
[Puck and Oberon exit stage right. Hermia and Lysander unfreeze]
Hermia: It seems to me that display of affection was a true x-ray of your heart.
Lysander: What? Helena is the most wondrous cloud in the sky! I thought you would be happy for me. Some friend you are.
Hermia: Friend? Friend! Snap out of it Lysander! You proposed to me just two hours ago! How can you say such a thing? Have you been drinking behind my back again?
[They both leave arguing; exit stage left]
[Demetrius enters stage right, as if he has just run a marathon]
Demetrius: Hermia? Hermia! Where could she be? She is one heck of a fast runner. The court will now adjourn for a few minutes.
[He sees the cushions and pillows at the left side of stage and goes there to rest]
[Puck enters stage right]
Puck: These new co-ordinates better be right! I want my promotion! [Sees Demetrius asleep] That must be him!
[Approaches Demetrius, and sprays the juice of the flower onto his eyes. Demetrius stirs slightly]
Puck: If there's one thing I hate more than pickles, it's men who mistreat women. Hasta la vista, baby! [Laughs] I can't wait to see what happens! [Looks into the distance] Great, Helena is on her way! I better tell His Majesty King Oberon about this. I shall return!
[Puck exits stage right]
[Helena enters stage right, alone. Oberon and Puck enter only when she starts talking. They keep to the extreme right, to avoid being seen by other actors]
Helena: That was crazy! Lysander and me? No way man. I hope he isn't following me. [Looks around and sees Demtrius sleeping] Demetrius? Is that you? [Runs over] Are you all right?
[Demetrius wakes up]
Demetrius: Huh? Helena? Is that you?
Helena: Yeah, of courseÐ’â€”
Demetrius: I never noticed how pretty your eyes were.
Helena: [Blushes] Really?
[Both stand up]
Demetrius: I love the constitution. Do you love the constitution?
Helena: Yes. [Giggles]
Demetrius: I love the 5th amendment. Do you love the 5th amendment?
Helena: Yes! [Giggles] Why are youÐ’â€”?
Demetrius: I love you. Do you love me?
Demetrius: Are you sure? [Pauses] Because I think I might have tricked you.
[Hermia and Lysander enter stage left]
Hermia: If that's the way you feel about us, then I don't think I can be your co-pilot anymore.
Lysander: Helena! My precious! There you are! I've been looking all over for you!
Helena: Oh no.
Demetrius: Has this man been harassing you? I can put you under the witness protection programme, if you want.
Lysander: I love Helena! Stand away from her!
[Lysander grabs Demtrius, at the same time Hermia holds him back]
Hermia: As your physiotherapist, it is my duty to inform you the arm you fractured last month isn't completely healed!
Demtrius: No, the court stands by the defendant. She's mine! After all, she loves me!
Helena: I'm not so sure anymore!
Hermia: Lysander, stop it! You are embarrassing me. [Pulls Lysander towards her]
Lysander: Unhand me, Miss. [Shakes her off and causes her to nearly lose her balance]
Hermia: Hey! I'm walking here! And that's Doctor to you! [Storms off to one side]
Demetrius: Quick Helena, let's go before Lysander sees us!
Helena: Shut up Demetrius! Stop making fun of me! I know you used to love me. But you're officially engaged to Hermia. Just go away and leave me alone!
Lysander: Helena, if you won't have him, would you at least consider me?
Demetrius: Why would she want you?
Lysander: Why not? You've always taken off when you know she's around, as if she is an enemy fighter. 50-mile radius restraining order, if I remember!
Helena: Ahhh!!!! [Screams in frustration] Stop mocking me! I know I'm stupid and ugly compared to Hermia! Stop already!
Lysander and Demetrius: That's not true!
Helena: [Ignoring them, and pointing at Hermia] Hermia, I can't believe you would stoop so low to this. You all planned this together, didn't you?
Lysander: I challenge you to a duel!
Demetrius: All right, but no tricks!
[They both move to one side and play Ð’â€˜scissors, paper, stone']
Hermia: No! This mess is all your fault! You seduced Lysander because you were jealous of us!
Helena: Jealous? Me?
Hermia: Boyfriend stealer!
Helena: Dumb doctor!
[They both start to fight, pulling each other's hair and clothes. Puck and Oberon watch, Oberon in disgust, and Puck in amusement, egging the fight on (eating popcorn).]
Demetrius: Order, order!
Lysander: What? Just because I was winning Ð’â€“
Demetrius: No, no. Look!
[Demetrius points at the girls, and the two become engrossed in the fight.]
[They all freeze. Oberon and Puck make their way to the center of the stage.]
Oberon: How uncivilized! [Sniffs]
Puck: I know. [Hides popcorn behind back]
Oberon: Well don't just stand there, do something! You've caused enough trouble for one night, Puck!
Puck: Don't worry, your Majesty, I'll have this fixed in no time.
[Puck casts a spell, causing everyone to spin in circles before falling sleep.]
[The four lovers wake up and fall in love with the wrong person. Lysander and Demetrius fall in love with each other, while Hermia and Helena wake up to find each other]
Hermia: Helena, I've never noticed how pretty your eyes were.
Lysander: I love you, Demetrius. Let's fly away together.
Oberon: Puck! This isn't some gay cowboy movie!
Puck: Keep your hair on.
[Puck sprays more juice in the air, and the four switch places so that Demetrius is next to Helena and Hermia is with Lysander. They fall asleep. The four lovers wake up and fall in love with the right person at last.]
Lysander: I love you.
Hermia: I know.
[They get up and she links her arm in his.]
[Helena and Demetrius get up]
Demetrius: The ROM closes in about an hour's time. I think we'll be too late.
Helena: Not if we make a run for it!
[All four exit stage left, smiling happily]
Fairy Godmother: First, rehearse your song by rote
Tooth Fairy: To each word a warbling note
Blue Fairy: Hand in hand, with fairy grace, we will sing and bless this place.
Puck: So shall all the couples three, ever true in loving be.
[Tinkerbell just nods enthusiastically]
Puck: Okay everyone; it's time for my ending monologue! Shoo!
[Tries to shoos the rest of the fairies off stage]
Narrator 1: Actually, we end off.
Narrator 2: So get off the stage!
[The five get off the stage, grumbling.]
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