Caeser's Soldier Diaries

The Diary of Massimo Aurulius

I normally would never write in these kinds of things but the captain suggests that we keep ourselves occupied for the time being. I honestly think he does it so we’ll stop complaining to each other about how we want to go home. I love Caesar, don’t get me wrong. I would fight under him anytime, any day, anywhere. I just miss my family at home. We left for Gaul four years ago in 58 BCE. Caesar says by conquering these lands we will be adding to our empire and open up these lands to the Mediterranean civilization. There was something in Caesar’s voice today when he talked to us to help lift our spirits that lead me to believe we weren’t fighting to better our empire, but instead for Caesar’s name to go down in the history books, just like the admired Alexander the Great. Even if he was fooling us all it didn’t matter. Any man with enough passion and spirit as Caesar could lead a pack of wolves across the dessert. When it comes down to it, he can always see the bigger picture. While I’m out on the battlefield fighting for my life, he is planning his next move, his next victory, his new fate. As I am sitting here, the only thing that is keeping me going is the thought of my family who is counting on me to bring back enough money to assure us a comfortable life for years to come. Caesar made it clear that he would distribute rewards and honors gained by our victories amongst the soldiers and himself equally. Caesar lived up to his word. For as many times as I have broken down in the four years of fighting, Caesar has always remained strong. We are all amazed by the way in which he would undergo hardships that seemed to be unbearable both physically and mentally. The one time I saw him vulnerable was when we were in Cordoba and he started to shake and flail all over the place. A few of us soldiers had to hold him down until the shaking subsided. Some say it was a curse by Zeus who feared Caesar would become a threat to him. Others say it was a hex by Hades for all the people and soldiers Caesar had ordered his army to kill in his conquests.

I had a nightmare last night. There is no one awake that I can talk to and everyone knows better than to wake a slumbering soldier. My nightmare took me back to our battle against the Nervians. The Nervians are like no other Gaul tribe that we have faced yet. The battle took place about three summers ago, around what I presume to be 57 BCE. It all started when we were marching through their territory for what was probably three days. We knew we were in enemy territory but we had seen no human in sight. One of us heard one of our captives say that the Nervian forces had taken up position about ten miles up, waiting for our arrival. He warned us that the marshes in this territory made it impossible for armies to approach. Our prisoners came in very useful. Caesar wasn’t above hearing what they had to say and treated them with much more respect than any of us soldiers thought they deserved. I heard of a story once about when Caesar was captured by pirates while sailing to Greece. He was on his way to Greece to study and he was all of about seventeen. The pirates were Sicilian and held Caesar for ransom. When Caesar found out the ransom was for only twenty talents he made sure to insist that he was worth far more than that, at least fifty talents. Caesar began to grow a friendship with the shipmates and would constantly joke how once he got off their ship he was going to track them down and have them crucified after he was released. Caesar did just that. As a warning to other pirates, Caesar crucified them as he promised, but since the pirates had grown to like him and treated him so well, he cut their throats to lessen their suffering while being crucified. I figured that this had something to do with the way he treated his prisoners, because he was once one himself. Anyway, on receiving the insider’s information, Caesar had people sent to go stake out a good place to set up our camp. We chose a site where there was a hill that sloped down evenly from its summit to the river Sabis. At this point I remember I was feeling good and confident about the battle. This feeling was a usual occurrence when you’re fighting under Julius Caesar. We attacked like usual, in fleets, but the Nervians showed more courage than expected and it took a lot more effort on our part to make sure this was a victory in our favor. I am haunted by this battle because prior to this point, I had only killed when absolutely necessary. I wasn’t like every other guy in the army. I wasn’t born a killer. During that battle, I found myself engulfed with the greed and passion to kill as many Nervians as I could to ensure we conquered yet another civilization. The more we killed, the more money we would make. I felt the greed and sickness that many soldiers and men feed on and I did not like it. I killed more men that day than I had ever planned to in my lifetime. Now having been here for four years, my conscious is clouded over. It is a job; if I don’t kill him, he kills me. This is what I tell myself when I think back to that day, the day when killing became routine.

Today marks the happiest day of my life. We got word today that Pompey, Caesars ally, is stirring up controversy back in Rome. Apparently, Pompey is jealous of Caesar and got his aristocracy in Rome to convince the Senate to rethink Caesar’s ambitions and deprive Caesar of his command. A letter came yesterday, sent to Caesar that said he must return back to Rome in order to keep his command. All I can think is finally, finally I can return home to my family! I have made enough money to keep our family well fed for a long time. The only thing that stands in my way of going home now is Caesar himself. Most of us think he won’t risk his reputation and status back home and we’ll be heading back any day now, but some are positive Caesar will refuse and we will stay here until all of France is conquered. Caesar is a smart man and I don’t think he will want to make enemies in the Senate. All I can think about are the cypress trees and the rolling hills that are awaiting my arrival.

Plans have changed. Caesar made the announcement yesterday that we are to stay in Gaul and finish what we came here to do. The senate wants Caesar to give up control of us, his army. Because he didn’t, we are all now enemies of the state. The senate, influenced, entirely by Pompey, has led the people to believe we are as dangerous and harmful as Hannibal and his army was just a few years before. I overheard