How To Be Gangsta'

Satirical essay, describing the process necessary to be a gangsta'.

How to be Gangsta'

There are many distinct qualities to being a pure gangsta'. To stand out in the city of Burlington, you need to be a hardcore city thug, otherwise you'll just blend in if you're a wannabe thug. A few pieces to being gangsta' are strappin' your nine, sittin' on 22's, bustin' your gat. A couple other important parts of the entire gangsta' personality is wardrobe, slang use, and your walk.

Your wardrobe is fairly simple, but can be very expensive. The number one rule of your wardrobe is that nothing can fit the way its supposed to. If you want to wear a collared shirt to look nice, get it about three sizes too large, and don't button every button. When attempting to wear a regular t-shirt, you need to think of yourself as a walking billboard. A gangsta' will only wear something if it has over a hundred different slogans and brand names on it, or if the brand name covers the entire shirt. The average person wears their pants around their waste, but these are people who are gangsta' wear their pants below their butt, relying strictly on their knees to hold them up. Always think big. You're shoes have to be brand new and white. Most would think that a gangsta' would have dirty and old shoes, but strangely, to be a gangsta' you have to have clean white Nike sneaks.

Slang is the most important of all steps to being gangsta'. The most simple way to put this idea, is do not finish your words. Not "you're", but instead use "you". Not a thriller, instead a thrilla'. If somebody is stepping out of line, the new way to say it is "steppin' out of line." Say the word "yo" before any phrase that is directed toward an individual. "Yo, where are you going?" Refer to anybody, and everybody as "son", regardless of how old he or she is. The full line we've been practicing would turn out as "Yo, where you goin'? You been steppin' out'a line son." There are also many words used by other gangsta' type people. This is a list too large to describe. You are able to find an extensive list of gangsta' words online at www.gangstatalk.com.

The walk is a very simple task. Attempt to grasp in your mind; you're trying to walk, with almost a gallon of poop stuck in your underwear. You're wearing shorts, so to save yourself from embarrassment you don't want any to slide down your leg. Also imagine that you're walking, and you just had both of your knee caps kicked out. So you've got your legs spread avoiding the poop from running down your leg, your knee caps and busted so you're walking with a limp. Mixed with your wardrobe, remember that you're attempting to hold your pants up using your knees, not your waste. This has a big effect on the limp and walking style you gain.

The three qualities just explained are basics, for the cheaper gangsta'. To be a bigger gangsta' individual, you