Valentine's Day

Why Valentine’s Day Sucks So Hard

There are many meaningful holidays throughout the year. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Veteran’s Day, and a personal favorite, St. Patrick’s Day. (And yes, I am Irish.) But there are also holidays that turn my stomach because of how much they suck. Actually, there is just one: Valentine’s Day. It is supposed to be a holiday that celebrates love and acts of love. Instead it comes across as a holiday crafted by corporations to increase revenue, and you must have the money to spend for meaningless crap like chocolates and cards. Also, it only caters to members of the population that are romantically involved, and coming from a former middle and high school student’s perspective, Valentine’s Day has become a popularity contest. Valentine’s day should be done away with for good.

Many companies, such as Hershey’s, Hallmark, Russell Stover, Lindt, Godiva, make gazillions of dollars every year solely during the Valentine’s season. They exploit the deeply intense emotion of love to sell chocolates and cards. Good for them. Honestly, what do chocolates have anything to do with love? Giving chocolates is like saying “Here darling, get fat so I can break up with you because I’m a shallow prick.” And the guy who buys a card, now there’s a winner. “Hunnie, I was too lazy to come up with my own words about how I feel about you, so I bought you a card that the guy at CVS told me he thought you’d like, because you’re a girl.” In fact, the only gift that fits the bill for St. Valentine’s Day is a bouquet of roses, because like roses, the artificial love that Valentine’s Day stands for will eventually die in a puddle of its own filth, after you’ve endured weeks and weeks of thorns.

Next, being single on Valentine’s day is that knife in your side that you pray to God no one will twist. Seeing all of the public displays of more affection than should be seen in public is ok once in a while, but four million times in one day? It’s enough to make you cringe. Of course, now you’re saying that I would think differently had I someone to engage in tonsil hockey with, but I’ve been in relationships during this holiday before, and I believe what a man and woman do in private should stay there, out of respect for those who don’t enjoy watching two people have a face swallowing contest up against a building. Single people definitely get the shaft on D-Day, oops I mean V-Day. Come on, since