A Mind Made Up

A MIND MADE UP

December 19, 2004 was a surprisingly peaceful night at the Elk City Police Department where I work as a Communications/Corrections Officer. My partner Angie and I were sitting at our consoles discussing the night's unusual quietness when the cacophonous ringing of the 911 phone interrupted our conversation. We both picked the line up, as usual, and I answered with the customary "911, state your emergency."

It was Bridget, a fellow dispatcher, on the line requesting the Fire Department because her house was on fire. I dispatched the Fire Department and headed officers that way. I was trying to take care of my officers on scene, and keep my concern for Bridget under control while every phone was ringing, the radio was squawking, and the inmates were yelling. Then at 7:04 p.m., amidst all of the chaos, it happened. A call came in that would change my outlook on my job for the rest of my life and flood my mind with memories of a past long since forgotten. It was another 911 call.

I answered the phone "911."

"Yes, this is Mike Rush. I live at 1705 W. 2nd" he said in a very slow monotone voice.

I thought to myself, "hurry up, and get to the point" and kept waiting for him to tell me his problem whether it be prowlers, or kids in the neighborhood being loud. Never did I expect the words that would come through the phone next.

"I'm outside, in the backyard near the alley entrance", he continued "and I'm" he paused for a brief moment and then completed the sentence "I'm suiciding."

With those words spoken, the riotous room fell silent. My jaw dropped, and I was quite literally stunned at what I had just heard. So stunned I did not think I had heard him correctly. "Did he say suiciding?" I said to myself and tried to reply as calmly as possible. "Mike, how are you trying to k--k--k" I stammered, forgetting the protocol and proper word choice. I thought to myself, "you dummy, you can't say kill or commit." I knew I was supposed to ask "what method", but the words would not flow across my lips.

Before I ever had time to properly complete my question, the caller had already answered it. "I've decided to eat the gun", he said.

"Mike, do you have the gun there with you?" I asked.

"Yes" he stated calmly.

My training coming back to me, "Is there anyone home with you?" I asked.

"Oh no, I'm alone," he replied. "I have lung cancer so please come in the alley entrance, and no lights or sirens. There is church service going on across the street and I don't want to disturb my neighbors."

I still could not believe what I was hearing. I was in shock, but knew I had to take control of the call, dispatch officers quickly, and keep this caller on the line if I had any chance of saving him. My heart began racing and the adrenaline flooded my veins. I told my partner to keep him talking, and then dispatched all units and an ambulance to the residence. The phones were ringing what seemed to be the most deafening powerful ring I had ever heard, while the officers barked orders over the radio with such a sense of urgency. It was at that moment that I realized one of my officers could get hurt, and became worried. I knew it was my job to keep everyone safe and I had to step up to the challenge.

After what seemed like an eternity in my mind, but in actuality was only one minute or so, I again put the 911 phone to my ear to listen to my partner speaking with the caller. She was asking him to put the gun down to which he replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, I can't do that."

As she pleaded for him to put the gun down and step away from it, the caller once again said, "I'm sorry" and disconnected.

I knew then that our officers were in great danger. Different scenarios began playing through my mind. I thought the caller might make an officer shoot him, or worse, that the caller would shoot an officer. No matter what, I thought someone was going to end up getting hurt. Deep down, like some kind of sixth sense, I knew the deed had already been done and the shot already fired. I advised the officers over the radio that we had lost contact with the caller, and asked Sgt. Denney to give his location,