American Parenting (And The Beng Too!)

American Parenting (And The Beng Too!)

Euro-Americans can be some crazy people. Let’s just put that out there in the first sentence shall we? No sense beating around the bush I always say. So, what are we (or they, I’d rather not be included sometimes) thinking when it comes to parenting? And how can we compare this to Beng society, which is written about in The Afterlife is Where We Come From by Alma Gottlieb? For our examination of American parenting we will use Stephen Colbert’s new book I Am America (And So Can You!). To give you some background he is a political comedian, pretending to be a hardcore conservative American but all the while actually making fun of American politics (especially conservatives.) The best part is that he portrays America perfectly and also shows very much what parenting can be like, specifically from “his point-of-view.” He points out several aspects of the American family and childrearing. Here are a few things he has to say:

We are at war. And I’m not talking about the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan, or the war on drugs. I’m talking about a war with higher stakes than all of those other wars combined and then divided by three. The battleground I’m talking about? The American Family. (Colbert 2007: 5)

RAISING A FAMILY

Tip No.1: SET SOME RULES, don’t worry if a rule makes senseвЂ"the important thing is that it’s a rule. Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn’t be learning respect for authority, they’d be learning logic.

Tip No.2 THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE, No matter how many kid’s you have, you need to pick a favorite. It’s going to happen on its own, but it’ll happen faster if you and your spouse have at least debated the issue.

Tip No.3 THEY CAN SMELL FEAR, Never show weakness in front of your kid. This means never letting them see you cry. If you absolutely must cry, run into your room and lock your door; then turn the shower on and play the stereo real loudвЂ"I suggest Billy Joel’s “Big Shot.”

Tip No. 4 DON’T CRY OVER SPILT MILK, Unspill it. If you ever wanted to travel back in time to relive your childhood, now you canвЂ"by living it through your kid’s childhood. Children are tiny versions of you, minus the crushing failure. If you’re not going to live your unrealized dreams through your kids, WHEN WILL YOU? (Colbert: 2007:11-12)

Ok, so you are thinking all that is very silly and is absurd. Well it is, and I think Colbert really brings some American issues (albeit funny) to the table. In tip number one he portrays the typical authoritarian parent (you know them!) who is maybe on some power trip, I don’t know, I don’t want to psychoanalyze but they exist. I think that because Beng babies can be brought up by multiple caretakers (Gottlieb: 2004:137) they are not totalitarian parents. If they were they would never let anyone else handle their children. Plus the respect that Beng have for their babies is much more of an indication that they wouldn’t place arbitrary rules upon them just for a laugh. In tip number 2 we see a common thing that we usually only joke about in American culture and that’s the concept of picking a favorite. As for this tip, I doubt any parents do actually pick a favorite but maybe it’s because in my family I am the favorite and I so I just don’t see it? Would Beng pick a favorite? Well, I have to ask why? They have better things to do (like survive) then think about which of their children they like better. Ok then why would an American pick a favorite? Well, they do have the time to think about it, and it could be an ego issue. One of two sons is athletic and just like his father, while the other is getting a bit chubby and maybe going to art school. The father might think “well my athletic son is just like me, and I love myself, however this other child he is embarrassing, I hate art.” Those are some very generalizing examples but I hope you are seeing the picture I’m trying to paint here (I like impressionism so it may seem a bit blurry at times). In tip number 3 he shows how Americans shouldn’t show emotion in front of their children. That we should be the strong ones and never let our kids know we are human. What would the Beng do? First thought is, “Where would they go to cry alone?”It is such an open society that I don’t think they would have any secret place to go and hide. Otherwise, through examples of how they react to strangers, which is openly (Gottlieb: 2004:150), I would conclude they would be ok showing any sort of emotion in front of their children. Tip number four shows a bit of what I was talking about in tip number 2. A father might want his son to become a football player and succeed where he hadn’t etc. Do the Beng have this concept? No, I think not, I don’t think they try to live through their children. I don’t think a father thinks “I’m going to push my son to do what I failed to do, which is farm!” They are from the afterlife anyway! As Americans, we all know what he is talking about and making fun of in those “tips,” however a Beng would be clueless. So how is our parenting different?

The mother’s role can be very different in American society in contrast to the Beng. What does Colbert have to say about mothers?

THE MOTHER, Don’t get me wrong. Being a mom is no picnic. Raising the kids is the mother’s responsibility. It’s a thankless, solitary job, like sheriff or Pope.

The mother-child bond is a fragile thing. That’s