Ascetic

ASCETIC

(Or "IN SEARCH OF A NEW GOD")

We come from a dark abyss; we end up in a dark abyss, the illuminated space in-between, we call Life.

As soon as we are born, the return begins; beginning and return at the same time, every moment we are dying. That is why many have proclaimed that the purpose of life is death.

But at the same time, as soon as we are born, the effort to create, to synthesize, to turn matter into life is activated; every moment we are born. That is why many have proclaimed that the purpose of ephemeral life is immortality.

In all transient living bodies these two currents fight: (a) the ascent, towards synthesis, towards life, towards immortality and, (b) the descent, towards decomposition and deterioration, towards matter and death.

Both currents originate from the bowels of the primeval substance. At first life startles, it resembles an outlaw, seems like an ephemeral reaction to the dark immortal origins. However, deep inside we feel that Life too, is the indestructible and eternal momentum of the Universe.

If not, where does it come from, this superhuman power that hurls us from the unborn to the born; that heartens us all Ð'- plants, animals, humans Ð'- to the fight? Both opposite currents are holy.

It is our duty then, to capture the vision that contains and harmonizes these two huge, eternal violent currents, and with this vision to regulate and fine-tune our thought and action.

THE PREPARATION

First Debt

Quietly, clearly I look at the world and say: All these that I see, hear, taste, smell and touch are beings of my mind.

The sun goes up and comes down within my skull. In one of my temples the sun rises, in the other the sun sets.

The stars shine in my mind; the ideas, the people and animals graze in my short-lived head; songs and weeping fill up the twisting seashells of my ears and disturb for a moment the wind. My mind shuts off, and everything, earth and sky, disappear.

"Only I exist," the mind shouts.

"In my cellars my five weavers work, they weave and unweave the time and the place, the joy and the sorrow, the matter and the spirit. Everything flows around me like a river, dancing, whirling. The faces roll down like water, the chaos groans."

"But I, the Mind, with patience, with courage, calm within the whirl, ascent. So that I don't miss my step and fall, I secure signs on the whirl, I create bridges, I position roads, I construct the abyss."

"Slowly, with effort, I shift between the phenomena I produce, I separate them functionally, I mix them with laws and harness them for my heavy practical needs."

"I set order to anarchy, I give a face, my face, to the chaos."

"I don't know whether behind the phenomena lives and moves a secret, greater than me, essence. I don't ask and I don't care. I give birth to the phenomena and I paint with plentiful vivid colors a gigantic curtain in front of the abyss. Don't say, Ð''Move the curtain aside, so that I can see the picture!' The curtain is the picture."

"It is a human creation, ephemeral, it is my child, this kingdom of mine. But it is solid, no other solid exists, and only within its area may I stand effectively, to perform and work with joy.

"I am the worker of the abyss. I am the spectator of the abyss. I am the theory and practice. I am the law. Outside of me there is nothing."

Without futile mutinies, see and accept the confines of the human mind, and within these strict confines, without complaining, work with no pause Ð'- this is your first debt.

With courage, with hardiness, firmly settle the round, illuminated threshing floor of the mind upon the quivering chaos, so that you can thrash and winnow, like a landlord, the universes.

Clearly set apart and valiantly accept these bitter, fertile, human, flesh-from-our-flesh, truths: a) the mind of man can only grasp the phenomena, never the essence; b) and not all phenomena, but only the phenomena of matter; c) and even narrower, not even these phenomena of matter, but only the relationships between them; d) and these relationships are not real, they are not independent of man, but they are too the offspring of man; e) and they are not the only ones possible, but only the most fitting for man's practical and mental needs.

Within these borders, these confines, the mind is the lawful and absolute monarch. No other authority exists in its kingdom.

I recognize these confines; I accept them with uncomplaining patience, bravery and love, and I fight comfortably within their territory as if I was free.

I subdue matter; I force it to become a good conductor for my mind. I enjoy the plants, the animals, the people, and the gods as if they are my children. I feel the whole Universe hugging me and following me like a body.

In sudden and terrible moments thoughts flash in my mind: "All this is a tough and futile game, without a beginning, without an end, without any meaning." But I harness myself again swiftly onto the wheel of necessity, and the whole Universe begins again its orbit round and around me.

Discipline; that is the greatest virtue. Only then is power balanced with desire and the effort of man bears fruit.

This is how, with clarity and hardiness, you should define the omnipotence of the mind within the phenomena and the incapacity of the mind beyond the phenomena Ð'- before you start on your way for salvation. There is no other way towards salvation.

SECOND DEBT

I do not accept the confines, the boundaries, and the limits. The phenomena cannot contain me; I am drowning! Live this agony, deeply and bloody; this is your second debt.

The mind nestles down, it compromises, it has patience, it likes to play, but the heart gets enraged, she does not fool around, she erupts and lunges to tear the net of necessity.

What value is there in taming the earth, the water, the air? What is the value in triumphing over place and time, in understanding the reflections that rise from the flaming desert of the mind and the laws they unite with to come again and again?

I desire only one thing: To understand what is