Change Is Inevitable

        Change is inevitable. It is the only permanent thing in this world. It can often be a difficult thing for everyone to accept. No matter big or small, sadly many of us fear it. I was afraid of change, but when I have seen the positivity that it brought in my life, I learned to embrace it.

        Insensitive, irresponsible, and selfish. These words would describe me few years back. I always thought that I was like the sun and that the universe revolved around me. I was a know-it-all girl in grade school but when I entered high school; I realized that there are a lot of things that I still have to learn. Realizations slapped me.  Everything changed, fast and hard. I felt like I have to constantly prove myself to others and whenever I failed, I blame it all to myself. I continued to question my existence and purpose in this world. I didn’t know how to handle stress and my problems; I thought back then that dying was the best possible solution. I begged for love and affection, but I got rejected. I was numb, broken and miserable. I became suicidal, I always thought and attempt of committing suicide. But then again, I realized, it was a big no. I failed to become optimistic. I failed to appreciate that I have my friends who are always ready to dive the deepest oceans and hike the highest mountains with me. I failed to recognize that I have my family who would support me even if I fail and would love me despite my shortcomings. But most of all, I failed to realize that God is bigger than any challenges I encounter. That brief moment of realization changed me. I understood the meaning of life, I have finally seen how blessed I am for God continued to surprise me with blessings I did not even deserve. God’s love made me open my eyes to the reality that even though I am a dust to the universe, I still matter.

        My family, like any other family, isn’t perfect. We sometimes have our misunderstandings but we never fail to see the needs of others. They are my pillars of strength, my inspiration to achieve my dreams in life and my motivation to continue living. I have my brother who was born a year after me. I am the eldest but he is the most understanding between us two. I always believe in him; in his skills and his academic capacity. I constantly remind him to exert his best effort in doing something. Also, he is one of those people in my life who would wake me up from my day dream. He would wake me up to face the harsh reality, literally and figuratively. My father is a seafarer; I know so well how difficult his nature of job is. From my young age, he kept on reminding me to make him and mama proud. He’s one of those individuals whom I had to prove myself to. But one day he told me that I don’t have to prove myself because whatever I do, he would still be proud of me. I seldom open up to him. His strict aura makes me nervous every time he talks but his soft heart makes me love him more. However, mom constantly does her best in fulfilling the role as the light of our home. She never fails to make me smile. Her humor is hilarious and it always makes me laugh. Mom always reminds to chase my dreams because they will support me in any way they can. I can’t hide anything from her. I am open and very comfortable talking with her about what makes me happy, my worries and plans in life. Whenever she looks at me, she would know it right away if something is wrong. And if something is wrong, she prays with me and reminds me of my worth and purpose. I would love to give her a reward for being the greatest supporter, adviser, friend, and mother. If I would be given a chance to choose my family, I would still choose my family now, over and over again.

        I have always been an excellent student. I excel both in academics and in co-curricular. I am a constant honor student. I graduated elementary as the batch Salutatorian. I always represent my school in various provincial to regional quiz bees from grade school to high school. But then again, I realized that those awards won’t really matter in the end. What matters most is the values you have gained and the experience that won’t be replaced by any other material things in this world. I enjoyed learning even though I had to prove myself. It was in school that I discovered my skills and my capacity. It was my school years that molded me to become what I am today. School was really fun, not until I realized that it’s slowly turning me to become human robots. School, for me now, is like a manipulative machine composed of deadlines, performance tasks, projects and assignments. Honestly, it’s not fun anymore. It became toxic as time passes by. All I do now is beat the deadlines, memorize terms without actually trying to understand them because there are a lot demands from different subjects. I can’t focus. I am anxious, stressed and I lack time, always. My drive for learning is lost and I hope soon and in a few months’ time, I’ll find my way back to it again. I hope my drive for learning will start burning again.