City Slicker Meets Milking Cow

So, Mr. City Slicker, this is the first time milking a cow! Heck, it just might be the first time touching one, unless college days involved cow tipping. If it helps the awkwardness, introduce yourself to her, and become acquainted before proceeding. And just a suggestion: Lose the tie! It won't do much good drowning in a bucket of milk. Gather the materials, follow these instructions precisely, and in approximately twenty minutes, you will have successfully milked a cow.

Elvin Brandt, a farmer in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, has been milking cows for half a century. (24 September 1998). Before beginning, a cow must be present, or it's fruitless to read on. Milk is made and stored in the cow's udder. The udder is a large predominantly round sack under the cow toward the back between the two back legs. It is "divided into four separate quarters, each having its own milk supply" (Dairy Farm: Where Does Milk Come From?). At the bottom of each quarter is a teat (Ibid.). Milk shoots out of the teat when you simultaneously pull down and squeeze the teat (Brandt).

Next, gather materials needed to milk the cow:

* The milking bucket will be needed to collect the milk as the udder is emptied. It must be sterile and stainless steel. Brandt stresses that it's imperative that these buckets not rust, and cleanliness is very important when dealing with any food.

* The straining bucket is used to strain particles out of the milk. It is rather unusual looking as it is shaped like a "V". Like the milking bucket, the straining bucket must be sterile and stainless steel.

* An antiseptic solution of iodine and a clean cloth is used to wash the udder before milking to control disease.

* A three-legged stool is absolutely necessary to milk a cow. The three legs allow for balance plus you can tip towards the cow if needed.

* A straining cloth will also be needed to strain the milk after it is collected. It will be placed over the opening to the straining bucket and the milk will be passed through the cloth.

Complete cooperation is necessary from the cow. "Treat the cow properly not only during the milking process, but also from the time the cow is moved to the milking area" (Milking).

1. To prevent disease, the teats must be clean and disinfected. An Internet resource mysteriously named just "Rachel" states that "each of the four teat's on each cow's udder must be wiped, dipped with an iodine solution to clean them, then dried to prevent dirt and manure from getting into the milk."

2. Next, place each hand around one teat and gently pull down and squeeze at the same time. This action forces a stream