Coming Of Age

I have always been faced with a teacher, or a college application that has asked me to write about something that has changed or impacted my life. The first thing that would pop into my head would be, "I don't have anything to write about." I would then find myself somehow taking an event that I encountered and turning it into this big dramatic story that simply wasn't realistic. Then I discovered what my problem had been. I never allowed myself to open up and really take a close look at the significant events in my life. As I began to really think if this hadn't happened I wouldn't be here or if this person wasn't there I wouldn't have done this, I realized that I have actually been through a lot of life changing experiences.

What is coming of age? Some people feel it's when you turn 13, 18, and 21. I think that everyone is different and coming of age is what you make of it. I feel that every time I learn a new lesson, go through an experience that I could grow from, or even just grow more mature, I am a step closer to finding out who I am. This to me is coming of age, or coming into yourself. Figuring out how to answer my essay questions for college showed me how to open my mind and to really take a close look at what I have gone through. Now that I am capable of looking at my past experience

and actually being able to learn from them, I know that this a sign of me starting to come of age.

I have had people influence me in ways I never thought possible, both positively and negatively. One person who has helped me tremendously in molding who I am is my boyfriend. We have been together for 4 years and he has been there through all my ups and downs. I have however learned a lot of lessons from him. We have had our break ups so I have experienced broken hearts. The first time we broke up, I reached the lowest low in my life. I didn't want to get out of bed or even leave my room. My parents were worried. They wanted me to see someone for help, but I refused. I cried in school, out of school, in the car and even in my house. However, back then I thought it was because I thought lost him. Looking back at it now, I think it was just that I didn't want to be alone. That is how I felt, alone. Even though it was a bad point in my life, if it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have been taught that I am able to overcome any obstacle. I am able to bounce back after a weak moment. By learning this I am another step closer to coming of age.

I quote Jessica Simpson's lyrics In This Skin: "Cause I am worthy, To feel beautiful in this skin, Be beautiful in this skin (love the skin I'm in) Love me for me, Have confidence in this skin, Be confident in this skin." I believe that if you aren't completely satisfied with yourself, you can never come of age. Coming of age is you saying to the world, this is me. I am beautiful in this skin, and I don't care what anyone thinks about me. Since we live in a society that judges you on what you look like, from childhood we are constantly judging ourselves and wondering if those two people standing to the side are whispering about us. Some people get more nervous than others when it comes to self-consciences. I always said I never cared, when deep down I did. So how did I react when I saw people whispering? I was convinced that they were looking at me and making fun of the way I looked. When I was younger I had an eating problem which I eventually overcame, but the damage it did to my body still to this day is visible. I had been 60 pounds for almost 3 years. My mother sought out specialists and they all told me the same thing. I just had to eat more. So I did but I didn't grow out, I grew up. Late at night I would hear my telephone ring but I knew I shouldn't answer. I knew if I answered I would only end up in tears. Up until that point I didn't think about what I looked like. It never really occurred to me that it mattered that much. I never actually knew the meaning of insecurities until I had one. I hated the way I looked. I only had one true friend at the time. We were friends since we were babies. She was the only one I could trust. Everyone else joined in on the jokes about my weight.

Because of the banishment I felt in middle school, I felt the need to be accepted in high school. Something we all can relate to. This is where for the first time I really started to grow into the individual I am today and really feel confident with who I am. I am sure most people will agree that individuality is hard to come by in high school. Only a few people make it through without caring what people think, or who they are categorized as. I envy these people. But what