Cyberinfidelity Research

Telehealth: WOMEN'S INTERNET BEHAVIOR

PROVIDING PSYCHOTHERAPY OFFLINE AND ONLINE FOR CYBER-INFIDELITY

by: Marlene M. Maheu, Ph.D.

Director of Telehealth

California School of Professional Psychology

September, 1999

Abstract

As women are using the Internet in increasing numbers, a variety of behaviors worthy of psychological study are emerging. Cyber-infidelity is examined as one such disorder, and observations are drawn from several Internet-related surveys chosen to glimpse the changing world of women empowered by the Internet. A typology of cyber-infidelity is offered. More importantly, how the psychological community might prepare to offer ethical, feminist treatment of such new disorders both on and off the Internet is also discussed.

Introduction

Equipped with a computer, modem, and telephone line, women not only participate, but now also rival men in Internet use. Demographic studies of Internet usage patterns suggest that 92 million adults are reportedly on the Internet; women comprise nearly 50% of users; and women had an 80% increase in making online purchases in 1998 (NUA, 1998). While information regarding the spending habits of women are easy to obtain online, it is more difficult to assess other types of women's Internet-related behaviors of interest to feminist psychologists.

The Internet can be an efficient tool for either self-improvement or self-harm. Savvy users can acquire tidbits of knowledge to full medical journals with a minimal amount of effort. For others, the Internet meets the need for instant, even constant, companionship. It creates a forum where individuals can gain the online admiration of others with intellectual prowess and/or creativity, regardless of their true position in reality. Surfing the Net can allow people to establish relationships that ward off isolation or loneliness instantaneously, freeing them from the unsavory demands and challenges of traditional friendship. It also leaves them open to a variety of unexpected emotions, such as when their secrets are revealed to their online communities, when they are duped financially, or betrayed in love. The Internet offers both glorious freedoms and hidden dangers to those who frequent its cyberwaves.

In an effort to bring some degree of specificity to an area that is fraught with ambiguity, cyber-infidelity is the issue to be examined in this paper. Cyber-infidelity and cyber-affairs will be discussed both as potentially problematic behaviors evolving from women's involvement with technology, as well as the resulting issues raises for the feminist psychological community when considering treatment options, both "off and online." This paper, then will describe the behaviors associated with cyber-infidelity and the issues facing practitioners who attempt to ethically approach treatment in face-to-face or virtual environments.

Cyber-infidelity

Fueled by the Triple A engine of "accessibility, affordability, and anonymity" (Cooper, 1998) the Internet population seems to be exploring sexuality in ways that are unprecedented. As women build and tend relationships online, they are experimenting with discovering new sides of themselves, freed from many physical limitations and restrictive social roles. As they read the morning news, build networks of friends and family through email, and mount websites to advance their businesses and their personal missions, they are shaping as well as being shaped by the Internet.

Women are exploring new ways of interacting: they are engaging in email discussion lists, newsgroups, and websites that foster community building - and asserting themselves, initiating bold conversations, experimenting with anger and other previously unacceptable emotions, involving themselves in furtive love affairs, having cybersex within minutes of making an online acquaintance, and quickly ending liaisons that don't meet their needs. Women of all sizes, shapes, and complexions are attracting sexual attention from not only one partner, but also an unlimited number of individuals. Turkle believes we have only begun to see the types of changes in how people behave with new technology (1995). People are just learning to find what they seek, and some are struggling with how to make sense of what they find.

With romance and sexuality available to Internet users from the comfort and privacy of their homes and offices, it is not surprising the marital infidelity is also made more convenient to those seeking alternatives to their existing offline relationships. It is no small wonder that the electrical charge of love and romance can be heightened and intensified by the supercharged Internet. While the idea of sensual human electricity transmitted around the world is mind boggling, it is also intriguing, and often riveting.. When paired with anonymity, it can become a playground for the unconscious, for unexpressed desires, emotions, and needs.

Definition of Cyber-infidelity

Cyber-infidelity is defined as the act of engaging in acts of a romantic or sexual nature with an individual or individuals through electronic or virtual communities, i.e., as established through dating websites, email discussion lists, interactive games, chat rooms or newsgroups. Cyber-infidelity can easily lead to a cyber-affair, which involves the emotional investment of time and energy into an individual, group, or community

Empowered with the varied tools of the Internet, potential lovers are able to easily and inexpensively create any environment they desire in email or other text-based environments - a winter wonderland, steamy Chicago blues bar, or sweet and sweaty tropical paradise. They can experience the entire spectrum of a relationship online - from furtive glances across a chat room to wedding and divorce before their virtual friends and family. For those limited in real life by physical abilities, finances, or social skills, the Internet allows them to explore their inner drives with others who are admittedly doing the same.

For people who are in a committed and monogamous marriage offline, having an affair online can provide "extra romance" and "enriched" sexual experiences, but all too often, create the same threats to a committed relationship that exist in offline affairs (Turkle, 1997). Cyber-infidelity has already led to reports of family complications, strife, and divorce (Quittner, 1997; Shaw, 1997).

What then, is cyber-infidelity? As demonstrated by the Clinton scandal of 1998, even definitions