Destruction Course

I'm 14. I'm on a destruction course. I am very defiant. I knew right from wrong but wrong was craved. I skipped school everyday, but my mother thought I was attending school on a regular. I would hang out with all the boys and even grown men. I always did what I wanted when I wanted. I always felt unloved, because my family was different. We weren't a loving, close knit type of family like everyone else that I knew. I felt unaccepted and unappreciated. All I was constantly told was not to and don't. I longed had to see and experience what I was always told not to do. I was looking and craving for love and attention in all the wrong places. No one told me all the details to life. So I had to see life for myself. Then one day at the age of seventeen, I became pregnant I was scared. I was alone. What was a child doing having a child? Was life as I knew it to change for the better? I had a baby when I was still a child myself and I learned how to be patience, how to love and how to care and not be self-destructing. It has changed my entire world and my whole outlook on life and I had to accept and appreciate the found that factor of life.

I needed to grow up and accept responsibility really quick. I needed to learn how to be patience, because she was just a baby and she didn't know anything. She didn't ask to be here. I had to take care of someone. It no longer was all about me and what I wanted to do. My daughters' father was running the streets like we didn't just have a child.

One evening, I sat on my bed, holding my child as she slept and reflected on one thing good that my mother told me "Daddy maybe but Momma's baby." From then on I changed. I started looking at life in a new perspective. I started working to take care of my child. I was trying to accept this new found demand to listen to authority. That was a major task for me. I was not accustomed to that, but because