Dispute Resolution

Tactic #1. Make Feelings Measurable: Sometimes you can make intangible goals tangible by converting them to measurable milestones. "Get my husband home by 7:00 every night" is more measurable then "Reform my husband," although perhaps no easier to accomplish! Other goals must remain intangible, but are still important. But always try to attach measurable outcomes or indicators to every goal, regardless of how intangible or emotional the goal may be.

If all else fails, you can say, "I want to feel at least 50 - percent better about my husband's overworking by the end of next month or I'm outta here." That quantifies your feelings by making it easier to think about how to achieve your emotional goal.

Tactic # 2 The Why Question: One way to get at underlying interests is to ask yourself the "why" question that was mentioned in chapter 3. Why do you want a particular objective? For example, do you need a car to get to work, or do you want a particular model to show people that you are successful? Are you looking for a house in a particular section of town because it is a better neighborhood, or do you need a larger house because your family is expanding? And why do you want to live in a particular section of town?

To use this surfacing tactic to explore your underlying interests, write as many sentences as possible beginning, "Why do I want..." Then answer them - possibly with another question in the same form. Eventually you'll hit bedrock - when you can't ask another question - and then you'll truly understand your underlying interests.

Tactic # 3 Probe for Insight: Ask value-free, informational questions to find out what the other party's underlying needs are. Avoid judgmental styles of questioning-even though your first instinct is to use them. How you word these questions will help or hinder you in obtaining responses. For example, if you say, "How did you ever think you could get that objective?" you will simply put the other party on the defensive. But if you say, "I'm not sure I understand why that objective is so important to you. Can you explain your concerns?" You are far more likely to obtain useful information about the other party's underlying concerns.

Tactic # 4 Control the Written Record: The theory behind this tactic is that, while you can't put words in the other players' mouths, you can put words in their notes. Many negotiations require written notes or minutes. Team, project, or committee meetings often need someone to wrap things up by writing a summary of what was discussed and decided. Many people like to duck that assignment, since they don't see themselves as note takers or secretaries and don't want the extra work. But you should, because this gives you a wonderful opportunity to make sure the written report represents the results accurately and fairly. (And maybe even a little more fairly from your perspective than theirs, if it was a competitive negotiation.)

So seize the opportunity to get the word in by volunteering to prepare the minutes of the meeting, the draft of the report, or the summary of the discussion.

Even when a written report isn't required, you can still take it upon yourself to play this role by simply writing a follow-up letter or e-mail to the other party.

For example, if you've just had a telephone discussion with a supplier, follow it up with a quick e-mail stating, "Nice to speak with you today. Here's a quick note to help me remember what we decided in our phone conversation." Unless they refuse the written version, they've tacitly accepted it.

By the way, this is a great tactic for dealing with difficult bosses. So long as the written follow-up is polite and respectful, your boss will probably let you get away with documenting things like your job assignments and performance feedback that you have an interest in securing. Then you don't have to say later on, "But I thought you said..." You - and your boss - will know what was said.

Tactic # 5 Develop Alternatives: It's so easy to develop alternatives, but most negotiators never do. Which means you can gain a significant advantage by specializing in this simple tactic.

For example, let's say you call a resort hotel to make a reservation for a conference that requires you to stay for two nights over a weekend - only to find that the hotel's policy requires a three - night stay. You could grin and bear it, paying for the extra night you don't need. Many guests do - that's why the resort persists in the policy. But why not develop alternatives? First, ask to speak to a supervisor (who presumably would have

the authority to negotiate), and then ask her/him politely to give you the names and numbers of other hotels nearby in case you can't get the reservation you want.

This innocent question, followed by a momentary pause in which you write down the numbers, puts you in a better opening position by letting the point sink in that you can very well take your business elsewhere. And it takes only a moment and no additional calls since the information about alternatives is solicited from the other party. When the dust settles you should get what you want - an exception to the policy - because you have invoked the threat of exercising your alternatives.

You should always take a moment or two to think of alternatives. Often it is as simple as asking a few questions. If you haven't had time to develop alternatives before the negotiation begins, try asking the other party during your negotiation. Amazingly, they will frequently supply the information you want.

Tactic # 6 Beat Them to the Seat: Working sessions in conference rooms offer many opportunities to take advantage of the power of seating arrangements. If you wish to control the information flow in a meeting, but lack positional power over all the other participants, then you'll need to establish Seat Power instead. The seat at the head of a non-round table is the obvious one to take. If you don't have enough authority in the group to get away with this, try taking the seat at the foot of the table instead. It is not hard to flop the group and get them oriented toward you from this seat.

Or, even more subtle, try capturing the seat nearest the flip chart or board (or move the chart to be nearest your seat). Sometimes people set up a separate seat next to the board and volunteer to take the outwardly low status of note taker. However you do it, the note taker's seat gives you the opportunity to stand up and take over the meeting as a facilitator. Then you can use this power factor to