Eddie Murphy

The creation of the world that we inhabit now can be attributed to none other than the great architect of life, Eddie Murphy. His eyes are like rubies which shine and glisten, putting the sun to shame in their brilliance. The muscles on his arm were the size of school busses and the bulging veins ran down his arms like the Amazon River. He was conceived under the name Edward Regan Murphy from the earth itself far back to the ancient land of Pangaea. Its only inhabitants were the gods who rested in the core of the Earth, protected by the impenetrable layers of crust. Immediately after his conception he challenged their callous nature regarding the nothingness that was the surface of Earth. As punishment for his disobedience, he was paddled repeatedly by the muscular gods and Murphy and his granite sculpted frame were spat out from a volcano by the gods. Unfortunately, in Murphy’s tantrum he split the land into eight continents which were separated by an enormous sea of magma. In order to cool down his temper, he rested in the depths of the ocean where he remained dormant for more than millennia.

Murphy awoke from his deep slumber and rose from the sea of fire entirely naked. The thick hardened magma encrusted onto his perfectly carved body melted off with a mere glance of his eyes. He walked across the barren surface of the Earth in giant stride that would now cover the length of Rhode Island. Now that he was kicked out of the center of the Earth, what was he to do? His vengeful nature forced him to seek out the knowledge of life in order to bring it back to earth, spiting the coldhearted, pitiless, attractive gods whose plans were to torture Murphy into a state of unimaginable boredom. With the calves like rockets and thighs the size of buildings, Edward shot out from the earth in search for the technology needed to fuel the existence of organisms.

For 40 years Murphy searched the empty nothingness of the cosmos, visiting great alien civilizations. He was protected from the coldness of outer space in his 100 meter thick polar bear fur coated with the blood of all the creatures that stood in his way. However, none of these alien races were willing to give up their secret to life. Murphy would not give up his search until he had accomplished his task of bringing life back to earth.

It was not until the 61st year of his journey that he found an individual willing to help conceive life on Earth. Here, Murphy and William Henry Cosby Jr. formed the epic union which was the first step towards human existence. With the tears and nail clippings of William “Bill” Cosby, Murphy made his way back to Earth. He plummeted from space like a meteor and crashed into what is now known as the Grand Canyon. Before his ultimate plan was to be put into action, Murphy needed to replenish his strength. With one big gulp, Murphy swallowed an entire continent whole, leaving only seven left. Murphy gained a colossal amount of energy and in a fit