Essay on Divorce

In the United States today, we live in a society that has perhaps one of the highest rates of divorce amongst all other nations at a rate averaging around 40 to 50 percent. Of that staggering rate of divorce, 60 percent of those involve children. Because of this, more than one million children go through their parents’ divorce each year. Through divorces many people focus on the adults, but why not focus on the children? The changes and consequences brought upon a child through divorce can be life changing (Portnoy, 2008). It is said by many researchers that there in fact are children who go through divorce showing absolutely no changes, thus making many people think that in any given situation divorce is considered good. However that is incorrect, children with divorced parents struggle with negative consequences emotionally, mentally, and academically.

Divorce can cause a life transforming experience on children that includes struggles in many areas of development. Divorce of the child's biological parents in detrimental to a child's well-being. Marlene Eskind Moses, a principal of MTR Family Law in Nashville, states children not living with both biological parents are more likely to experience psychological and academic problems. Side effects with divorce include the following: academic deterioration, antisocial and delinquent behaviors, anxiety, low self-esteem, and depression. According to Dr. Gregory Fritz-a professor of psychiatry at Brown University-intense parental conflict is poison, which can seep into all aspects of family life and jeopardize children's ultimate psychological welfare. In general he is saying that divorce is not good on a child. Divorce can ruin many aspects of a child's life. God himself began the world with a man and a woman, Adam and Eve. Through this God begins the world in a matter of relationship. Every child is to be welcomed to existence with a mother and a father (Root, 2012).

Children dealing with divorce go through an emotional roller-coaster. According to Holly Mahnensmith-a preschool teacher- children may feel unloved, guilt, or worried they too will get “kicked out”. Many studies and interviews have been done to show how divorce effects the mood of a child. At Emma Pendleton Bradley Hospital- an inpatient and outpatient child and adolescent psychiatric facility- they created a divorce group of children whose parents were going through separation or divorce. Doctors noticed that many of the children showed a major change in behavior and mood. They often felt more isolated because they saw that many children their age came from intact families. In their studies one nine year old boy began to burp excessively and stated, "I'm wasted man, just like my dad, gonna hit you, if you come near me." Another boy was to draw a picture of his family and he drew a picture of war where he was on his own team. A ten year old boy wrote a rap poem stating the following, " Divorce, is got me in a spot, blame my mom, blame my dad, I think not. Divorce, it really is a pain, mom and dad are fighting this is no game. Divorce, I'm not the only one, friends, family, it seems like everyone." At the bottom of his poem there is a picture of his parents fighting and him siting in the middle scared. A latency aged boy drew four pictures with explanations. A picture of a dollar bill with a line through it that stated, "No money because of dad." A picture of a house with a line through it that stated, "No good house because of dad." A picture of a conversation with a line through it that stated, "Arguments because of dad." And last a picture of a boy with a line through it that stated, “Sad feelings because of dad." None of the children in these groups were showing signs of happiness and joy (Rich et al., 2007). According to Diana Burgan-an interpersonal relationships and childhood teacher at Norwell-when the basic needs including safety and love are jeopardized, the child suffers emotionally. The effects of divorce leave all kids in an emotional funk. Aside from that many studies have shown that children can go through a parental divorce without showing any side effects of being emotionally destroyed. One study shows that children being raised by the same sex parent often adjust to the divorce much easier compared to those raised by a parent of the opposite sex. This study shows that kids have no emotional changes and transition to living with only one parent acting as if nothing happened. Studies have also shown that children with interactive fathers exhibit few to no problems dealing with divorce (Moses, 2013). No matter who the child lives with, he/she will show some emotional distress. A final study shows children who are more intelligent, self-regulated, independent, mature, and have high self-esteem often show no change in divorce situations. They often use problem solving or support and show no changes emotionally, mentally, or academically (Portnoy, 2008). However According to Stanford M. Portney-a PH. D. - did a longitudinal study proving that “The lives of children effected by divorce changed radically almost overnight. The children dealt with shock, unhappiness, loneliness, bewilderment, and anger. Divorce is not an acute stressor from which children recover, but rather a life transforming experience.” When children suffer form dealing with a divorce, they often supper form ambiguous loss. Ambiguous loss can be filled with a variety of emotions that can hurt your child. Your child will often feel confused as to who is in the family and who is out of the family. All in all your child will be full of confusion and unanswered questions. No matter how much emotional support you give your child through a divorce, they will struggle in other areas of depression (McCann, Lee, & Powell, 2014).

Mentally children can become broken down from a divorce. According to Holly Mahnensmith, mentally many kids can only focus on the divorce because it simply consumes them. If a child is in a home where they are being mentally destroyed on a daily basis, often parents say divorce would be a good option. It’s not. Studies say that when abusive parents separate, then the child will become safer. Incorrect, children living with one parent are more likely to be abused. Sixty two percent of children in single parent families resulting from divorce account to be of the poorest