Fear - a Heavy Emotion

Fear, for most people, is a heavy emotion. In a state of fear, one can experience heightened

senses, deep breathing, profuse sweating and accelerated heart rates. But the fear I will be talking about

isn’t the kind of fear you experience when a snarling pit bull crosses your path when you go for a brisk

walk or the feeling you get when you are looking down from a high point, like from a skyscraper or a

bridge. I am referring to the fear that, I’m sure, most adolescent boys experience when they attempt to

interact with those of the opposite sex, more specifically, attempting to ask one out to a dance or some

other similar social event. Nonetheless, all those symptoms still factor into this kind of fear. And this

particular kind of fear is something I am all too familiar with.

        The fear started to build up the month of my high school’s winter formal.  The winter formal

came around every year in January. The event is similar to prom, only the importance is not all that

significant, but it still represented a big part of school spirit and it gave us boys and girls the

opportunity to mingle without much parent observation.  Around this time of my high school career,

I had my sights set on a particular girl I’ve been eyeing the whole semester. Her name was Sophia.  This

petite, brown eyed betty had it all. She was intelligent, witty and of course, very pretty. I first met

Sophia in my biology class. The class had assigned seating and she happened to be assigned right next

to me.

        For the most part, we got along. Aside from the normal class activities and lab assignments, we

didn’t have much conversation.  Although, I think most of that was my fault. For all the clever remarks

she would make in reference to our dull lab work, or the attire of our teacher, I had simple and boring

nods or gestures. I was a relatively quiet individual at that time of my life. I was overall a shy and nerdy

kid, especially towards girls. And so it seemed for the moment that our personalities clashed. Even

though me and Sophia interacted often, I still couldn’t bring myself, to be myself. I felt she was too

pretty to be associated with me.

        So as the year progressed, I felt my affinity for Sophia grow and grow. But with that also came

my fear.  The fear of doing or saying anything that would seem overboard or trying too hard to impress

her. My attempts in the past to get close to girls backfired on me spectacularly. For example, I once tried

to dance with a girl on a Teen Night dance floor, and I got one of those ‘talk to the hand’ gestures. Quite

embarrassing.  That moment not only strengthened my fear of girls, but it also ruined my confidence

altogether. So that explains my caution and reserve in my daily dealings with Sophia, or with most

females for that matter.

        So the countdown began. The event was exactly two weeks away and I was becoming more

nervous with each open passing opportunity that I did not take advantage of in asking Sophia to the  

dance. I knew I wanted her to be my date and I committed myself to making sure it happened. First

thing was first , I had to make sure she was still date free so as to avoid any more embarrassment than if

she just said no. There is just something about being told ‘No, I already have a date’ that cuts deeper

than an ordinary ‘no’.  Almost like a double rejection, or a tactic to get out of a sticky situation. Me,

being the sticky situation. But that’s just me.

        So in biology class, I beat around the bush a bit. The conversation went something like this:

“..so it seems a lot of people are scrambling for a date to the formal. How about you?” I asked.

“No one’s asked me yet, I probably won’t go.” she declared, curling her hair with her finger.