Feelings of Self-Doubt as a Freshman

Kishan Sarvaiya

Feelings of Self-doubt as a Freshman

Is Self-doubt correlated to belonging and ability? Paul Tough’s article, Who Gets to Graduate? published in The New York Times, explores the graduation patterns of college students from various socio-economic backgrounds. The question of what constitutes academic success is one that has interested Tough for years, and one that he has explored before, the result of which are his books: “How Children Succeed”; “Helping Children Succeed”; and “Whatever It Takes”, among other publications across various platforms. In other words, Tough has the knowledge to write this essay, and it addresses two main issues: feelings of self-doubt related to belonging and ability. He distinguishes ‘belonging’ (i.e. as the desire to be part of something, in this case, a college graduation, etc.), from ‘ability’ (i.e. the actual capacity to pull it off). Here at California State University Long Beach (CSULB), I had many experiences regarding self-doubt to belonging and ability. Although CSULB is helping incoming freshman overcome the feelings of self-doubt related to belonging through programs like Welcome Week and clubs, CSULB does not help freshmen to cope up with the feeling of being incapable because of their ability in passing their classes.

One main problem freshman experience is feelings of self-doubt related to belonging at the University. According to Tough, “Students facing particular fears and anxieties often misinterpret temporary setbacks as a permanent indication that they don't belong at college” (Tough 13). I’ll elaborate it with my own example before I was ever introduced to Welcome Week, I was a shy person and not confident enough to talk to new people at college, but ever since I understood that most of the students were having the same doubts as I was, so my moral was boosted that everybody around me was struggling too.

Welcome Week has taught me college takes you on a different adventure every day. I still remember that day Thursday, February 1st, 2017, it was a sunny morning, typical day and as usual, I finished my math class and was headed towards my Mechanical Engineering class. I step out of Math department building and Surprise! Surprise! I see all the stalls set up, tons of people out there getting along with each other, making fun of each other. There were sports clubs, engineering clubs, health department, and candy stalls, there was this one stall which said, “Army recruiters out here, do twenty push ups and get a gift”. I challenged my cousin "let's do push-ups!" And guess who won? Duh Me!! I did almost fifty. We played different games like ping pong, sit on the balloon to pop, etc. I felt that college can be fun as well. Prior to this I was only studying with zero motivation, nothing engaging but this day was just unique. It helped me overcome my self-doubts of belonging making me feel I belonged in my surrounding college community.

At CSULB, Welcome Week has helped many students like me who are struggling with self-doubt about belonging: a desire to be part of the college community. Most of the times students think they do not belong in their college community believing, “this place is for smart students not me and have feelings of self-doubt related to belonging”. During Welcome week, I was encouraged to meet new people at club booths and develop networking with senior students whom I could use as a guide on my way to pursue my Aerospace Engineering career. Clubs bring senior students and freshmen together. Senior students have enough experience throughout their college years, which made me more engaged in college activities by knowing more people on campus. It made me feel more confident that I belonged to this University. Freshman students should learn how to ask for help. They can look what resources, and communication skills are needed, rather than thinking they can never succeed and their setbacks are everlasting. Therefore, freshman students can feel they belong in their surrounding college community as well as keeps them more engaged in college activities. CSULB clubs and Welcome week helped me overcome my feelings of self-doubt related to belonging.

On the other hand, CSULB has also made efforts for students with self-doubt related to ability. Tough quotes in his article about a “professor named David Laude …  by all accounts, a very good college professor … but a lousy college student…He spent most of his freshman year on the brink of dropping out. But he didn’t drop out. He figured out college, then he figured out chemistry, then he got really good at both”. Dweck in his article “The Perils and Promises of Praise” suggests “Growth mindset creates motivation and resilience and leads to higher achievement.” (11) The same mindset which enabled Laude to figure out college and chemistry both. The ability to cope up with his problems and face challenges. Freshman students often think that small failures are going to last lifelong.  They should find ways to stay motivated by doing tasks of their interests implementing resilience (i.e., the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties or failures) which helps freshman students with self-doubts related to ability. My first semester grades my surroundings, my being the role model to my brother was intense pressure. CSULB with help of programs like WRL tried to help and motivated me to give in one more try before I decide to drop out .

Experiencing failures at CSULB has taught me not to give up. Like Vanessa Brewer, a female African American student at the University of Texas (U.T.), who worked hard to get to the U.T. to whom failure was unknown and so was I. have never seen failures in my high school too. Like Venessa I also started to doubt my abilities. “Praise” to C S Dweck is an important aspect of enhancing students’ abilities as he says that “the right kind of praise motivates students as wrong kind of praise creates self-defending behaviour.” At CSULB when I failed in my English class, nobody at CSULB ever said to me “Oh You can do it. Give it a try.” I felt like I wanderer in the desert. Sorrowful, a massive failure I questioned myself what am I going to teach my brother when I am not being able to help myself.  Furthermore, as Tough states in his article Vannesa at U.T struggled with self-doubts related to abilities. she always got A’s in her high school so did I. Those plans were falling apart before she even began working on them, so did mine. Whenever I had a test or quiz I believed I had done well, and yet I hadn’t! I never had to see failures in high school. I believed that my failure in English class was a fixed trait. Meaning I had a fixed mindset, “I cannot fix it, it’s who I am, and I cannot change myself.” (Dweck) I still had a little confidence left in myself and thought of giving English another try.