Harry Potter

ark! Christian friends, do you hear a ringing sound throughout America? That clanging cacophony is coming from every movie theater showing Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. It is the Lord Jesus using cash registers (a communication device He pioneered with Pat Robertson and perfected with Paul and Jan Crouch) to sound a battle clarion for all True Christians living within earshot of a multiplex: With Harry Potter, it is clear that Satan is doing a much better job of marketing witchcraft than we are of peddling Christianity!

I just returned from a private screening, followed by a rather edgy dinner with a very angry Jesus (it is no wonder how, after a tense meal with Him, His disciples told everyone in town that was their "last supper" with Jesus!). I can tell you that Jesus is furious (and has perilously veered off His Adkins diet). He is feeling betrayed and shortchanged by His followers. You see, when it comes to promotional vanity projects, the best we Christians have been able to muster for Him recently is Left Behind starring Kirk Cameron. Kirk Cameron! Satan, on the other hand, has now weighed in on behalf of witchcraft with the much more appealing Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Let's face it: Satan shows much more discriminating casting and better production values! Are we about to be defeated by Christianity's worst enemy: More ingeniously packaged superstitions?

Make no mistake: The assault in on. Hollywood is coming after the hearts of our children with tales of mystical powers even more appealing than those in the Bible -- which, frankly, isn't terribly difficult. In a cagey attempt to go after the coveted 8-18 market, the new Harry Potter movie is teaching children that they -- not unemployed adults like 1990's slacker-chic Jesus -- have all the power. In the world of Harry Potter, children wave 11-inch rods to cast spells and routinely backtalk adults. In the Old Testament,