Heart Beating - Personal Essay

I can hear my own heart beating. It’s beating so hard; it feels like it wants to get out of my chest. Sweat is beading up on my forehead. The salty fluid is running down across my face. It’s a warm night. But I couldn’t feel anything except the ice spreading inside me. I stood there still—stiff. I closed my eyes. I can feel the gentle wind touching my skin, the gentle wind that makes my hair flow like the waves in the ocean. But it is the thing that makes me feel colder. I felt tingles all over my body. My feet collapsed; I fell on the ground. Pain, that’s what I felt. But it’s nothing compared to the pain inside. The pain that is caused by shattering pieces if my heart scattering inside me and tearing me apart. I feel nothing but the cold surrounding my fallen body. I want to feel warmth, the warmth of the fire, or the warm hands of the person who would care enough to hold me. But there is nothing here, nothing to heat up the place, no one to hold. I suddenly felt water draping from my eyes. I didn’t even notice that I was about to cry—it just happened. I can feel my tears. I can feel the growing emotion inside of me, slowly crushing my already crushed heart. I can feel all that, but still, I cannot feel comfort—warmth. I pushed myself up so I could sit. I looked around and noticed the bright moon and the shining stars. I did not notice that before. The sky looks like it was glazed with glitter. There’s no single cloud floating above. It’s so clear, so is the moon. The moon is rounder than ever. It looks like a gigantic ball of glowing snow. I slowly stood up. I took a step, and another, and another, and another. The lights from the towering buildings in front of me are sort of blinding. Some are turned off some are flickering. Once more I closed my eyes. I can hear the honking of different vehicles below—and the indistinct chatters of random people on the streets. I took one more step—one last step. I feel the strong pull of the gravity.