Hell2u

Discipline

September 27, 2006 @ 8:09 pm * Read more jokes on College humor

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.

When he could do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised it's level of unruliness.

Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.

Archive for Men-women humor

Secret

October 6, 2006 @ 8:43 pm * Filed under Men-women humor

Secretly, he said

"I have to tell the truth," a young man said to his new girlfriend.

"While we've been dating, I've been secretly seeing a psychiatrist."

"Don't worry about it," the girl told her boyfriend. "I've been secretly seeing a car salesman, an accountant, a College student, a Post Office worker, another guy that I don't really know what he does but is really cute..."

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50th Wedding Anniversary

October 6, 2006 @ 8:41 pm * Filed under Men-women humor

A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

The man looks at his wife as asks "what would you like to do for our anniversary?"

She then replies "we could run upstairs and make love."

He replies, "Make up your mind, we can't do both.

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Three

October 6, 2006 @ 7:37 pm * Filed under Men-women humor

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."

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The Groom

October 6, 2006 @ 7:35 pm * Filed under Men-women humor

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain"

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say"

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

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Unfaithful

October 6, 2006 @ 7:35 pm * Filed under Men-women humor

A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior. When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. "She slept with nearly every man on the ship," his wife reported. The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife.

"She was a real lady," his mistress said.

"How so?" the encouraged man asked.

"She came on board with her husband and never left his side."

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Men's Advice to Women

October 6, 2006 @ 7:21 pm * Filed under Men-women humor

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'

If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.

Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one.

Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Please don't drive when you're not driving.

Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.

The quarterback who just got pummeled isn't trying to be brave. He's just not crying. Big difference!

When the waiter asks if everything's okay, a simple 'Yes' is fine.

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No Chance

October 6, 2006 @ 7:20 pm * Filed under Men-women humor

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.

If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing