History Of The World

A man walks down the street,

He says, Why am I soft in the middle now?

Why am I soft in the middle?

The rest of my life is so hard!

I need a photo-opportunity,

I want a shot at redemption!

Don't want to end up a cartoon,

In a cartoon graveyard .....

Bonedigger, Bonedigger,

Dogs in the moonlight.

Far away, my well-lit door.

Mr. Beerbelly, Beerbelly,

Get these mutts away from me!

You know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore ....

If you'll be my bodyguard,

I can be your long lost pal!

I can call you Betty,

And Betty, when you call me,

You can call me Al!

A man walks down the street,

He says, Why am I short of attention?

Got a short little span of attention,

And whoa, my nights are so long!

Where's my wife and family?

What if I die here?

Who'll be my role-model?

Now that my role-model is ....

Gone ...... gone,

He ducked back down the alley,

With some roly-poly, little bat-faced girl.

All along .... along ....

There were incidents and accidents,

There were hints and allegations .....

If you'll be my bodyguard,

I can be your long lost pal!