Lesson Of The Evils Of Liquer

A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 9th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class, observe the worms closely," he said, putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the teacher asked.

One of the students raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

Quotes To Go With Your Beer

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.

- William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

- Ernest Hemingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

- Dean Martin

Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.

- Anonymous

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.

- G.K. Chesterton

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

- Catherine Zandonella

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

- Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

- Anonymous

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

- W.C. Fields

Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.

- Anonymous

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

- His reply

If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomaches.

- David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

- Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

- Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.

- Anonymous

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

- Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

- Anonymous

Conserve water. Drink Beer.

- Anonymous

You don't like jail? Naw, they got the wrong kind of bars in there.

- Charles Bukowski

Beer is good food.

- Anonymous

It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.

- Anonymous

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

- Anonymous

Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.

- Anonymous

Beer: Nature's laxative.

- Anonymous

Beer: If you can't taste it, why bother!

- Anonymous

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.

- Dave Barry

When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.

- Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

- Dave Barry's Bad Habits, Dave Barry

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

- Dave Barry

My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time.

- Anonymous

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

- Humphrey Bogart

Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer.

- Anonymous

If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I'd take the nothing...

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