Looking Back

Looking Back

As I sit here, drinking iced tea, made just the way Mom always did, I read the journals I wrote throughout my life, I wonder in astonishment about past years. Thinking about my life, reading my thoughts from the past, I wonder, was everything worth it? Were all the fights, arguments, and troubles really worth it? I guess it is just a question we all ask ourselves as we age. For now, I will just forget about all of that drama and take a journey back to my past.

As a child, I always thought life was just grand! My days were spent having fun at school, coming home to a loving family, and playing outside with my sisters, all-over fun days. Yes, that is how they were, until the day reality smacked me in the face like a mack-truck colliding with a concrete wall. My world came tumbling down the day my grandmother died, and it all worsened from there. After this milestone in my life, I learned of other things that hurt me almost as equally as much as my grandmother’s death. It was a lot to handle as a child. As I read my journal from this time in my life, I wonder in amazement about why some of these things hurt me so much. Although these things weekend my spirit, I was a strong, will-powered girl and forced myself to move on and see the good in life.

Throughout my teen year, most of my time was spent on school. I looked at my parents’ loves and saw how unhappy they were that they did not do something with their lives, and this encouraged me to strive to do my best and make something of my life. Although I took advantage oh many academic enriching opportunities and tried to better my education in anyway possible, I was still a normal child, with normal feelings. Now, as I sit here matured; “old,” as I would have said as a teen, I laugh about some of the petty things about which I argued, fought, and got angry. “I can’t believe what a snot that girl is! She is suck a back-stabber! She should have known better than to go behind my back and tell Molly what I said about her!” See what I mean? I laugh about this now and think of how immature I was, but when I wrote that, I thought it was one of the most important things to ever occur. Although I eventually got into a fight over that foolishness, I forced myself to move on, live past it, and think of a way to better myself.

In college, “I had my eyes set on the prize,” as many people would say. I knew that I would spend many years in college to earn either my PhD or PsyD in Psychology which I did. I spent seven years in college earning my PhD. While in college, I met a nice man, with ambitions as intriguing as mine, and fell madly in love, we were together for three years before he proposed, but even after marriage, we agreed that it was better for both of us to wait until after our schooling was complete to have children. We did just that, a year after I graduated from college, I