Love Behind Bars

Love Behind Bars

To begin, we must answer the question on why do women have the intense urge to be a wife. As young girls we are taught to desire becoming a housewife, catering to our mates, and the basis of being a mother. There are certain unscripted standards women must abide by and pass on to their daughters; these are considered “The Girl Rules”. Some of these are the soft blanket; boys will be boy’s girls WILL NOT, the training wheel, its okay to cry (7).

“The Soft Blanket” Being raised to be a woman you are taught many things. Such as to be dependent on a male, he is the head of the household and the bread winner. Show a man that you need him even if you are physically capable to handle a job if a man offers to accomplish the work for you allow him…that’s “lady-like”. Allow a man to feel like he belongs, boost their confidence when needed and allow them to have the last word. Simply put be their comfort when needed, their warmth when wanted, and remember as a female you are placed beneath them and used when ready.

“Boys will be boys and girls WILL NOT” Stay in a females place, your taught this in society throughout life. Do NOT take big risk, that is a man’s job, the most a women must decide is whether to cook chicken or beef for dinner. Women should not apply themselves physically and being “butch” or a “tom-boy” means you’re a lesbian or have a mental defect. Do not play a tough role, remain feminine, keep your self clean at all times, and in order. Women are always being looked at by society, ready for them to make a mistake. As some may put it “Remember to always dot your I’s and cross your T’s. Stay on top of you P’s and Q’s.” You never know who’s watching you; you may find your husband and a father to your children. Be wheeling to talk out your problems with others do not solve your problems with physical action.

“The training wheel” Women are meant to be seen not heard, you are placed behind the “Big Wheel”. Allow a man to stand strong and tall in front of a woman. Just like training wheels to a bike even though you are much needed in the beginning for balance and stability, you will always be in back. Also when the rider of the bike is strong enough to ride alone the training wheels will come off, be thrown away, and forgotten. Just like the training wheel to a big wheel a woman is inferior to a man. A child isn’t given gratification when they ride with training wheels, meaning you are powerfully but not as powerfully as the big wheels. Only when they ride without training wheels are they congratulated for being a “Big Boy” or “Big Girl”.

“It’s OKAY to cry” This is the ultimate rule of being a female, its okay to cry. Women are taught to be emotionally, be soft, and be FEMININE. Show the world when you are at your weakness point. Allow a man to know he is needed to in rescuing you for this cold world that you are not able to conquer alone. Always remember you are a woman so don’t hold your tears back, allow a man to be strong for you. In reality, I’m glad society raises women to express their emotions because it doesn’t make you weak it makes you real because no one is perfect and holding your tears back will only cause more stress on your self.

Women don’t marry just for the look or to plan a wedding, but to prove to society that there is someone in the world that is devoted enough to them to tie the knot. In a woman eyes this shows that their mate extremely adores them and isn’t just leaving them in the cold to be forgotten, never embraced, or taken away by another man. The essence of love, so important, to a woman, and indeed, it makes her whole (4).

In addition to how they view love, women chose to become involved with men behind bars because they are usually the center of attention and do not have to worry about other women or any additional forms of distraction. This is usually the case since incarcerated men have plenty of extra curricular to further get to know the woman that they are currently in a relationship with. Isenberg went on to say that; "this phenomenon involves a complicated series of reasons. The first reason is that if you are in a relationship with a man behind bars for life or a man on death row, then you have a lot of control over the relationship. You can decide when to make the visit, when to accept the phone call, or if you will accept the call, and you are that man's primary link with the outside world. So as you can clearly see it's a very powerful position to be in (5)."

According to The People’s Media Company, throughout history, women have seemingly passed up the “good guy” for the “bad boy”. This is one reason women may seek out love behind bars. Women tend to believe an inmate can provide protection and solid ground because of he’s previous criminal record. Rebellion in human nature is a very attractive aspect (7). Society is influenced to believe this even through media. For example, in the musical Grease, Sandy is represented as an innocent girl who rejects the good guy and in turn falls for Danny, the bad boy rebel.

Many may ponder why and who would fall in love with convicted rapists, murderers, or robbers but may never find a satisfying answer. This is defined as hybristophilia, a paraphilia involving being sexually aroused or attracted to people who have committed an outrage or crime (1). These individuals who fall for convicts may have earned advanced college degrees or never received an education beyond the sixth grade. They may be teachers, reporters, social workers, nurses, office workers, housewives, or waitress. Moreover, who may reside in an undersized calm township or in a lively large city. In actuality, these are people like you and I who feel there soul mates have made bad judgments and poor decision making landing them in the predicament they’re currently in. From what our eyes can see, these women cast a faÐ"§ade as being ordinary. They aren’t.

Many reasons can be giving to justify why women are attracted to men who kill. One being, the glamour that surrounds criminals allows a favorable amount of interest to be attracted, which is desired by ordinary people who yearn for a shot at fame. For example, serial killer Richard Ramirez, one