Managing Anger in Strategic Communication

Managing Anger in Strategic Communication

Eugenia Thompson

Eastern Michigan University

April 5, 2015

Christine Day

Table of Contents

Introduction

Define Anger& Responses

The habit of anger &unmet needs

Strategies for communicating anger appropriately

Managing anger is strategic communication

People feel a range of emotions daily from excitement to rage. We communicate our feelings verbally and non-verbally. What do you do when you are angry? Do you communicate feelings of anger appropriately? How do you express those angry feelings in the workplace? When you express anger, does it escalate the situation or help bring solutions to the problem? Communicating feelings of anger can be challenging. Did you know that anger is a natural emotion? It is ok to feel angry. Some people think it is not ‘ok’ to feel angry and may suppress angry feelings. Anger unchecked can create considerable problems if not managed properly (DeVito, 2003).An individual’s response to anger may or may not be acceptable.  It depends on how you respond to angry feelings. Response determines the outcome.

Feelings of anger arise due to various situations. Anger has been viewed as negative/ uncomfortable emotion. However, anger can produce positive outcomes if managed and expressed appropriately. Managing and expressing anger can be accomplished. Do you know how to identify your feelings or triggers to anger? Communicating anger appropriately can be problematic for some individuals. Nevertheless, there are techniques to help you manage and communicate your feelings of anger.

Anger is defined by Peterson (2010) to be part of our distinct moral emotions which regulate behavior and opinions toward people. Anger is defined as a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/anger). These feelings originate from internal or external factors. An example of an internal factor would be one’s perception of a situation as well as negative self- talk. Negative thoughts and irrational beliefs have been found to be associated with intensifying anger (Johnson 2003). An external factor may include traffic jams, waiting in line, or having to clean up after someone.

Anger is one’s perception of a specific event or series of events. Accordingto Fitness (2000), anger is elicited by the appraisal that one has been treated unfairly, unjustly by another. Anger can disrupt thinking and distort behavior (http://www.innerchoicepublishing.com/resources_anger.3.html). When a person experience feelings of anger their rational thinking maybe disturbed. People respond inappropriately when angry or never address their feelings of anger. People respond to anger in many ways. Anger can be expressed productively and non-productively.

Productive anger resembles someone communicating their feelings appropriately,utilizing an anger management technique (deep breathing, self-talk, meditation, etc.). Self- Talk is what you say to yourself and will determine how you think and feel (Johnson, 2003).A productive expression of anger can help decrease misunderstandings, defensiveness, and the potential to belittle or demean an individual while discussing conflicting points of view(Darrington& Brower, 2012).Research shows that certain communication behaviors enable us to send messages more accurately and effectively (Darrington& Brower, 2012).

When anger is expressed improperly it not only fails to achieve its goal, it hinders us from connecting effectively with others. Misused anger creates an emotional atmosphere of rejection, or self- centeredness, ultimately leaving everyone involved dissatisfied (Carter &Minirth, 2012). Many of us have witnessed displays of unproductive/ intensified anger on the news, in the workplace, or in one’s neighborhood. These behaviors are usually aggressive. Aggressive behaviors are displayed by throwing objects, criminal activity, hitting/ kicking, screaming, etc. Sadly, these behaviors are often an automatic response when feelings of anger arise. An inevitable by-product of misguided anger is damaged relationships. (i.e. collapse of families because of unresolved anger (Carter &Minirth, 2012).

Anger can become a routine, familiar and predictable response to a variety of situations(Reilly, Shopshire, et. Al. 2002). Therefore, anger can become a habit. Our response to anger is a habit when an individual consistently reacts to situations that arouse anger automatically. Of course, habits can be broken and the disruptive displays of anger responses can be changed. The habit of anger can be disrupted when an individual becomes aware of triggers to anger.

Anger has its benefits. Anger gives you information for survival (i.e. informs you of an unmet need, being mistreated, or violation). A response to anger maybe due to an unmet need. An example of an unmet need is as follows; a wife needs her husband to get the washing machine serviced. He procrastinates and laundry accumulates. The wife becomes withdrawn and brief in communication. According to Carter &Minirth, 2012 answering the following prompts may assist when one identifies an unmet need;

1. When someone ignores my legitimate need I can avoid responding with anger by…
2. I know I am too worried about my needs when I…

These prompts can assist in identifying triggers, solve problem and break the habit of anger. When our essential needs are not addressed or when they are not validated, the result is emotional turmoil (Carter &Minirth, 2012). We feel hurt and angry.

There are many emotions experienced that mimics anger. For example, one may express being disappointed or sad as they would anger, In this case it would be difficult for someone to differentiate their emotional state. According to Wanberg& Milkman (2006), it is wise to identify ones emotions and respond accordingly. Understanding your emotions can also help you communicate effectively. In order to communicate effectively with others we need to be able to share our thoughts clearly, honestly, and assertively (Darrington& Brower, 2012).

Putting name tags on your emotions positive or negative may be difficult. It requires being mindful and accepting. Here are some skills to help you be more aware of how thoughts and feelings are related (Wanberg& Milkman, 2006)

Putting a name tag on your Emotions

Notice body states: A flushed face may be anger. A sinking stomach may be sadness. Being tired may be depression. A surge of energy may be joy.

Know what sparked or aroused the emotion: This tells you what the emotion is. If you think you were treated badly, it is probable anger. If you were disappointed, it may be hurt or depression. If you let someone down, it might be guilt. If you received a compliment, it might be pride.