Men

Success envy?

Why is it that men appear to be turned off by a successful, busy woman? I am in business for myself and very busy. I would like to meet someone who appreciates the fact that I can take care of myself, someone who doesn't feel intimated by my abilities and accomplishments. Am I expecting too much? -- Bonnie T., 62, Lodi, Calif.

Bonnie, no, you're not expecting too much. The right man for you will appreciate your abilities and accomplishments; he'll even encourage you to be yourself. Men who are intimidated by successful women usually lack confidence in themselves. They don't want a woman showing them up. You'd never be happy with a man who doesn't respect you and admire your success. Don't get discouraged. Someday, a well-suited-for-you man will enter your life.

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"When will he cut the cord?"

I know extended family issues can be complex. I have been with my boyfriend for eight years and accepted all his flaws. However, he has a dysfunctional family with some real issues and I don't know how to keep dealing with them without blowing up. They are controlling. I feel he knows the mind games they play, but why does he allow them to continue? I know I cannot make him choose. He is going to be 60 this year. When is he going to cut the cord? -- Jackie P., 50, Sacramento, Calif.

Jackie, if he hasn't "cut the cord" by age 60 and for the eight years you've been with him, chances are he won't. People don't change much. I'm sure you've talked with him about the problem. If you haven't, you need to. Ask him why he allows the mind games to continue. Don't blow up and get out of control. If it gets unbearable, spend time away from him and see if that wakes him a bit. If it gets to be too much, then you may have to consider a change of boyfriends.

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What's the rush?

I have been receiving email responses from men that include email address, their telephone numbers, and invitations to lunch. Is this how it should work? I thought you were supposed to build a relationship with someone online before you meet them in person. Seems to me like everyone is in a big hurry. I don't know anything more about these gentlemen than they know about me. Is this a good idea? -- Julie L., 50, Budd Lake, N.J.

Julie, you're right, best be careful when dealing with strangers. Don't let anybody rush you. Before agreeing to meet in person, find out as much about the person as you can. Trust your instincts. Men who want to rush you are either desperate or just want sex. That being said, don't spend too much time trying to get to know someone before meeting in person. You wouldn't want to divulge a great deal of personal info before meeting someone, only to discover that he isn't for you. You'd feel awkward and you'd have wasted your precious time.

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