Name Change In Marriage

"The Name Is Mine"

As a 21 year old male how I feel is completely irrelevant, I have not much say in whether or not my future wife decides to take my last name. Do I hope that my wife will make the choice to take my last name? Absolutely. But what is boils down to is that the choice is not mine. The way I was brought, up taking the husbands name was not even a question nor was it a big deal. In my eyes taking your husbands name is more of a sign as respect than it is anything else. So basically the decision that Anna Quindlen made in "The Name Is Mine" is a decision that I don't particularly agree with but does directly affect me as a son and as a future husband.

Up until the 1970's and the Feminist explosion the key reasons why a bride would take the groom's name was first, the protection of family and wealth. Second, Designation of a new life together. Third Acknowledgment of God's presence in an endorsement of the marriage. Studies show that even now eighty five percent of women take there mans last name, however more frequently now then ever before, woman choose to stand alone in a marriage by sticking with their original maiden names. Some women make this decision as a sign of there independence and others may make it for career reasons. Women who have made a name for themselves in there careers as doctor's, lawyers or even teachers sometimes feel like there last name plays an important role in there future. The reasons are somewhat obvious I think as to why that would have such an affect on ones future as a well established business. Other women who choose to keep there last names for independence reasons have there own explanations for doing so. Either way it's something you really can not argue with. There are men out there that have strong feeling about it however there are also men who could care less either way. I personally, as a kid that grew up with parents by the same last name would like for my wife to take my name, although there are some exceptions to that. To me it has a little bit to do with respect for the man and is seen to me and many others as a traditional sign of marriage. If my wife for good reason wanted to keep her name I would have absolutely no problem with it. Now on the other hand there are some women who prefer to keep there last name solely for independence reasons which is something I cannot

say I necessarily agree with. If a woman wants to keep her last name for "independence" reasons only, then why can't she be independent enough to not get married.

Like I had mentioned earlier my mother chose to take my fathers last name of Simon when they got married. To be completely honest with you up until about 5 years ago when my parents got divorced I thought it was something that wasn't even questioned. I don't know if I thought it was a law or not but whatever it was I had never really thought about it. Just recently my mother got remarried to a man by the name of Rob Loftus. In doing so she again chose to take his last name. At first she was kind of hesitant about it because of us kids but then she realized that it was the right thing to do. Before she made the decision to do that she had a sit down with my brother, sister and me to discuss how we felt about the situation which I thought was a very respectful thing to do. She felt like by taking his name she would be betraying us. Don't get me wrong, if the guy she was marrying was someone I didn't like so much then my decision would have been a little different but seeing as how he is a great guy it didn't bother me at all. As long as she is happy I am happy. This isn't to say that the decision she made is one that I regret but it does kind of freak me out sometimes when the mail is sent to my house and it says Jonna Loftus on it instead of Jonna Simon like I have been used to my entire life. It's real hard to get used to but at least I am willing to accept it. Now after reading Anna Quindlen's piece "The Name is Mine" and seeing what she did in the situation she was in with