Only Child

Is there a perfect family size? Prevailing wisdom would probably indicate at least four: a mother, father and two children -- a boy and a girl. But for many, the family is smaller. Our society's tendency is to make assumptions about an individual's personality based on his or her birth order. Throughout the ages, birth order has been implicated as a significant factor in people's personality development. This "birth-order myth" is manifested in such statements as "He's an over-achiever because he's a firstborn," and "Youngest children are spoiled brats." It's difficult not to attribute personality traits to birth order. Birth order is an observable characteristic that all human beings possess and are capable of discussing. Frequently there does appear to be marked differences in individuals of different birth orders.

Alfred Adler, a Viennese psychologist who lived from 1870-1937, established one of the first theories of birth order. His theory focused on the idea of "dethronement." According to Adler a couple's first child is like a little prince or princess; subsequent children "dethrone" this child by taking away parental attention and affection XXXX. The effects of "dethronement", or lack thereof in the case of only children, determine such personality traits as responsibility, attitudes toward authority, self-esteem, and achievement motivation. According to this theory, oldest children are significantly different from youngest children because the first-borns suffer the effects of dethronement while the youngest children do not. Only children possess the characteristics held by first-borns before their "dethronement" occurred, and middle children hold completely different characteristics because they never had the experience of full parental attention before "dethronement" XXXXX

It is all together appropriate that I should began the account of my life with the name Alfred Adler. I'm an only child. Alfred Adler as well as other great theorist has done great amount of research on the effects of being an only child versus being a child with siblings. In our society, being an only child has received negative reviews and many consider these children to be at a disadvantage. Negative qualities such as self-centeredness and excessive pressure have been thought to surround these children. Research, however, has given mixed reviews of this type of family situation and I feel there is still a great deal of ambiguity in this field. Adler was best known for his theories regarding striving for superiority, was also concerned with the effects of birth order on personality.

Adler's theory stressed the social aspect of personality development and therefore proposed the possibility of birth order and its significance in the interpersonal relationships of family life. He felt that each position in the order, whether first or last, had distinct characteristics. For example, he hypothesized that firstborns are problem children and that only children are likely to be spoiled due to parental overindulgence XXXXX.

As Adler points out, the only child is a unique breed. Acting as the first- and last-born in a family, the only child takes on a multitude of roles and responsibilities unlike those of any other sibling. The only child breaks down the positions in birth order.

I will begin my story around the year 1973. I was twelve years old and living with my mother in a small two bedroom apartment in Rochester, New Hampshire. My parents had divorced ten years prior and I had never been formally introduced to my "biological donor", nor did I care to be now. All I knew of that person was he had been remarried after the divorce and I had a half sibling. My mother's father had passed away when she was 15 years old and her mother had passed away in 1971. My mother was alone with a child to raise. My mother was an alcoholic, although she has never admitted it. My mother was a "weekend" alcoholic she worked extremely hard during the week. She worked in a factory, (where I later worked myself for 17 years) her days were long; often she would need to leave our house at 4:30am and not return till 5:30pm. Although I had school friends, I suffered terrible loneliness at weekends and evenings. I always thought that I was adopted, as my mother never once showed me any affection. I used to talk to my toys. I had a lot of baby dolls and I was the mother to all of them, the next day I might be the teacher. I can remember my baby dolls were never lonely, they all had sister's. I took my babies every where with me. I can remember laying in bed at night telling them I wish I had a sister.

Acording to Adler I should have become very responsible and dependable instead, I became a "wild child", a problem child. However it was not because I was spoiled, it was because I was alone. I partly became very rebellious, did opposite things. One may say I had the characsteic of a "feral child". A feral child as we are aware is a child who has lived isolated from human contact starting from a very young age and who has remained unaware of human behavior and unexposed to language. Now we know that I was not a true feral child, but I do remember spending many days walking the street's of Rochester, alone.

Research states that during the early years of growth and development, only children benefit from their parent's undivided attention. Both parents have more time to play and to talk with their only child. This was not true for me. Because my mother either spent her time trying to work, or drinking on the weekends I spent much of my time alone, my dog was my best friend. It's hard for anyone who hasn't grown up as an "only child" to imagine just what that's like. I'm sure everyone can releate that "only" can mean sometimes kind of "lonely".

Although nobody exists as purely introverted or extroverted, studies suggests only children cannot show a strong tendency towards one or the other XXXXX. Instead, both introversion and extroversion become important as the only child is forced to take on both personality types depending on the given situation. Because of the lack of familial bonds, one has to learn to depend upon oneself for thoughts and entertainment. In this isolated environment, the only child takes on the characteristics of an introvert. The only child's unique environment forces the As an only child it was necessary for me to learn when each trait was appropriate so that I was able to establish healthy peer relations, while also learning to develop on my own in a lonely environment. Because only children lack siblings, they lose the immediate availability of others near