Oral Sex

Introduction

An integral part of foreplay for a lot of people is performing oral sex on a partner; it is the most intimate step in becoming comfortable with your lover's body, and your own. Foreplay can devolve into several playful techniques of erotic exploration, but oral sex both functionally and emotionally enhances the event. It allows us to feel closer to our partners, because we have surrendered a small amount of self-control by exposing a vulnerable body area. At the same time, the egocentric experience that we undergo when receiving oral gratification can be an enlightening one for those of us who are more reserved.

As I've said before, the best part of sex is giving pleasure to your partner. But #2 on my personal list, behind going down on my lover, is being gone down upon myself.

Basic Guidelines

First, everything here is a generalization. "Most guys" means most guys, not all guys. With that in mind...

* Most guys are very different than women, when it comes to what they enjoy. With women, starting out very slowly is more important. With guys, there is a much better chance that the guy will be impatient, and there is most definitely a lower overall standard as to what most guys will enjoy.

* When starting out, the best bet is to start slowly, and indirectly. Men tend to be more visual than women, stereotypically, so part of taking your time would include almost touching... kissing around the rest of his body (depending on what's accessible under the circumstances), caressing, but not necessarily actually touching his erotic zones, yet.

* When doing this, remember the "many guys get impatient" rule. The longer you can drag out each step (while still making progress), the better, but some guys don't want much of this at all, and if you pay attention it should become obvious.

* Unfortunately, another general difference is that guys are less expressive. This is a shame, because it keeps them from enjoying it as much, as well as making it harder for you to tell what works with them. I cases like that, talking about them perhaps being more expressive, especially by telling them it excites you (hopefully this is true), is the best bet...but only if your relationship (or their personality) is secure enough to allow it.

* The other day, on Don & Mike (radio gods), a woman caller bragged that her nickname was "eight seconds", meaning the time it took her to bring a guy to orgasm from fellatio. While a sizable portion of guys do actually like that, it is not the way to give the best orgasm. In fact, it's the worst way. Remember that some guys do prefer it, though.

* See, the longer a guy is "tortured" (as one of the best fellatio artists I know puts it), the stronger his orgasm will be. "Tortured" means "kept sexually excited, and stimulated, but not actually allowed to have an orgasm".

* DO NOT be afraid to use your hands. If he's not one of those get-it-over-quick (GIOQ) types, there are many things you simply cannot do with your mouth, but can with your hands. Specific techniques in the advanced section.

* Even among eroginous zones, don't stick only to the penis. Some guys have more sensitive nipples than most women, for example (I'm one of those guys, in fact).

o The scrotum/gonads (I mostly use technical terms, just to keep things consistent...I can write great erotic literature, but that's not what this article's about) are also essential, if he's not a GIOQ type.

o The cheeks of the butt, on both men and women, actually have some automatic sexual response linked to them, especially from repeated pressure. This is because our distant ancestors often had sex "doggy style", and so a patting sensation on the butt was a good standard signal for hormones to start moving. Guys have it too, for the same reason they have nipples. A good butt massage, or perhaps gently rhythmic pressure, can really get some guys going.

o The anus should be carefully mentioned here. I say carefully because, of course, a lot of guys feel uncomfortable with attention to it. But it is an erotic zone, especially because it includes the prostate gland. But more, again, in the advanced section.

* Once he can't take it any more, or you can't, the question of spitting versus swallowing comes up. Some people, in an attempt to not offend or upset, claim that it's not really a big deal. But it is, overall. Of course plenty of guys really don't care, or don't even like their lover swallowing, while even more haven't had the chance to find out the difference. But for most guys swallowing makes a (positive) difference. This isn't just because it feels better, or more intimate. It's also, perhaps even mainly, because spitting, or evading the ejaculation altogether, brings on (even if they consciously know it's not the case) a sense of rejection (conscious or subconscious). For a woman, imagine a guy starting to go down on you and then making sputtering noises and wiping your juices frantically from his tongue and lips. You might find it a bit disappointing, if not just plain hurtful, wouldn't you. If you're a guy reading this, then you don't need an example, you've probably had it done to you. But most guys are used to lovers not swallowing, so I only bring this up so we've made clear which way's more likely to work "best".

* Don't forget that, though guys have a different kind of insecurity than women, they do have frail egos...they just hide it more. So excited smiles/faces and noises can, with some guys, make a big difference in how much they enjoy it.

* Condoms This is your call. The odds of the blow-ee catching HIV/AIDS from the blow-er are probably about the same as if you were shaking hands. The odds of the person sucking/swallowing catching it are way less than the odds of transmitting HIV/AIDS by coitus, and astronimically less than catching it from anal sex, which makes up probably more instances of transmission than all other forms of transmission combined. In fact, there is little evidence at all of HIV/AIDS being transmitted to someone who was performing fellatio, aside from a few people who had a form of gum disease that resulted in a lot of open cuts in their mouth. Oh, it's worth note that you get tiny cuts in your mouth when you brush your teeth, though they heal in minutes, so you might want to avoid brushing right before fellatio. Try chewing gum instead, I guess. Heh.

Swallowing (without it tasting really bad)

This is possible. In fact, only a mental barrier stands between