Personal Religion

I have no religion. In my life I have tried to believe in many things but only believing in myself and those around me have I gotten through. From looking in the direction of Christianity of various types to spiritual practices I have found nothing except karma to guide me through but for me that has been enough even from when I was a child I always tried to follow what was right which in my view is the essence of karma, whatever you do it will come back to you.

When I was a young boy we went to church every Sunday yet I never truly believed in god. During the week my father was hardly there, even when he was. My mother said she loved me though and so did god, she said this often after she whipped me for things that did not warrant such abuse. I was a young boy given water-guns and in the summer of course I would use them on my sisters, does this say to you I was a bad child in need of punishment? There are several examples of this version of a mothers love but there are other reasons for my childhood. Verbally when not physically abusive was just the start of a long road I called growing up. She hated my father and took her anger out on her only son who just happens to look like his father. But alas she claimed on more than one occasion I was a bad child for playing a little rough with my sisters, sometimes I didn't even have to be in the same room to be blamed for their screaming. She claimed I was a bad child with the devil in me, at church holy water was even put on my head on more than one occasion to deal with my "demons". In reality I was a young boy with no other output for my energy so in occupying myself I became the focus for someone in such despair to make herself feel better she took her anguish and anger out on her son in the name of god among other things she proclaimed. Since then I have never been able to get a grasp on such a religion that would preach love and acceptance but support such hate, but this has just been my experience.

When I was a child I never felt the presence of god, I have however experienced things greater than myself. I do not know if it was mystical or divine but I have felt great energy in my life. From people and places