Poop Poop

There is a scourge upon the Earth, it comes to strip away our humanity, purge our intelligence, and profit from our downfall. This evil comes in disguise, lies to his faithful masses, and washes the brains of millions everywhere. It comes with the Christian name of Daniel Lawrence Whitney, but to world he is known as Larry the Cable Guy.

Daniel Lawrence Whitney was born above the Mason-Dixon Line in Pawnee, Nebraska on February 17th, 1963. When he was 16 his family moved to the upscale, ever so classy, West Palm Beach Florida and attended a private school at which his father was the principal. Then, attended college in Georgia, where he was chastised for his requests of "soda' and pronunciation of all his consonants. During visits back home to West Palm Beach on breaks, he fatefully branched out to pursue his less than talented talent of humor at the Comedy Club. At the encouragement of family and what little friends he had that could ignore the ignorance and obtuseness of his humor, he branched out into the high-brow humor's Mecca, local radio. While sitting around doing important things like not finding a job helping people and not in any way enlightening himself, he would hone his slaughtering of the English language and spend minutes upon minutes developing intricate views on human rights and international politics. After wracking his brainium during these sessions, he would call in to the local radio station and create his very own high-quality renditions of the fine, proud, educated people that call themselves "rednecks". For one of these calls, one of the aforementioned friends suggested calling in as a cable installer, king among kings in the redneck kingdom. From this primordial creme brulee oozed the character named Larry the Cable Guy.

The term "redneck" derives from people having a red neck caused by working outdoors in the sunlight over a long period of time. The prolonged exposure to direct sunlight on the skin of the back of the neck reddens fair skin, which many southerners, being descended directly from Irish and Scottish families, possess. The term was used as a derogatory name for slave owners and white field hands that spent much of the day in the sun with the slaves themselves. It is commonly agreed that it was the rednecks who originally enslaved millions of Africans and tortured and opressed them for over 200years. The rednecks are also viewed as the people that fought to keep their slaves and massacred millions of every race as the Confederacy in the Civil War. Rednecks have been stereotyped, mostly accurately, as lowly educated (the southern states' school systems are some of the lowest rated in the country), inbred (it was considered acceptable and agreeable for young gentlemen to marry cousins and keep the family fourtune "all in the family), non-hygenic (from the lack of plumbing and proper medical facilities available in back road areas of the South), and openly racist (from the whole slavery fiasco, negligence to comply to Civil Rights, and abundance of the ever so infamous Ku Klux Klan or KKK). At it's pinnacle the KKK enlisted 15% of the nations eligible population ,male, white, Anglo-Saxon Protestants. Protestantism is a branch of Christianity. The KKK burns crosses. The KKK kills people.

Daniel Lawrence Whitney might just be an Anti-Christ. The Anti-Christ, as defined in modern Christianity, is a person, image of a person, or other entity that is the embodiment of evil and utterly opposed to truth, while convincingly disguised as wholly good and a bringer-of- truth. The word antichrist, comes from the Greek "antikhristos" which means literally "instead of Christ". In the book of Revelations scripture warns against a false Christ image that becomes a living icon, and an object of worship. It also warns against many smaller scale, preceding false prophets. Larry the Cable Guy is