Rationalizing The Irrational

Doris Lessing’s novel To Room Nineteen, displays the devastating effects that domestic and social expectations of mother, wife and housewife can produce on women’s mind, body and soul. Lessing uses the character Susan Rawlings to demonstrate the failures of superficially fitting into a perfect societal mold, as well as the importance of sincere communication. Through the novel Lessing portrays the break down not only of a marriage but also the quintessential sense of freedom which Susan desired most. Lessing examines the boundaries of conformity and restriction as well as self-discovery and madness to reveal the collapse of ones sense of being. To Room Nineteen examines the typical 1960’s construct of the “perfect wife” and goes beyond the surface value and explores the true psychological and emotional effects of a so-called “intelligent marriage”.

Rather than a loving and passionate relationship, Lessing portrays Susan’s marriage as an intelligent well planned arrangement. This portrayal creates very little expectations for the marriage other than that of failure and disappointment. Susan married her husband Matthew, in her “well-seasoned twenties. Both had had a number of affairs,[…]and when they fell in loveвЂ"for they did fall in loveвЂ"had known each other for some time.(Lessing, 638) Their marriage seemed to fit, it made sense and to them seemed like the rational thing to do because they had seen the failures of other relationships and knew that they would not make the same mistakes. “Everything was right, appropriate, and what everyone would wish for, if they could chose. But people did feel these two had chosen; this balanced and sensible family was no more than what was due to them because of their infallible sense for choosing right.”(Lessing, 639) Although everything about their relationship seemed to be perfect on the surface, there were many unsaid problems in their “perfect family”. It appeared that Susan had the perfect life; material comforts, a generous husband, four loving children, although this new life lacked the foundation in which she had previously lived her life. The role of a mother, wife, and housewife was very restricting. Susan was expected to stay in the house, look after her children, tend to the gardens, entirely cut off from her previous life in the city. Although she was happy with her marriage the constructs of her new role led her to lead a very dry and flat marriage.

It was not until Matthew revealed that he has had an extramarital affair that Susan began to question her sense of self as well as her sense of belonging. The affair made her question her place in their relationship as well as how much she meant to her husband. Matthew’s infidelity represents a weakness in their marriage and rather than make a big scene Susan quietly accepted and forgave her husband. “[She] forgave him, of course. But forgiveness is hardly the word. Understanding, yes. But if you understand something, you don’t forgive it, you are the thing itself: forgiveness is for what you don’t understand.”(Lessing, 640) As a couple they decided that it would be best if they forgot about the affair, “they put the thing behind them, and consciously, knowing what they were doing, moved forward into a different phase of their marriage, giving thanks for past good fortune as they did so.”(Lessing, 640) They did so because they did not want to ruin the image of a “perfect marriage” which their social culture dictated for them. Although they agreed to forget about his indiscretions, Susan was left feeling empty and alone; “[she felt] (though luckily not for longer than a few seconds at a time) as if life had become a desert, and that nothing mattered, and that her children were not her own.”(Lessing, 641) These feelings were new to her and she did not feel that she could talk to her husband as she did not want to raise any issues because she saw these new feelings as irrational. “Intelligence barred, […] quarrelling, sulking, anger, silences of withdrawal, accusations and tears. A high price has to be paid for the happy marriage with four healthy children in the large white gardened house.”(Lessing, 641) Susan did feel like she could speak to her husband regarding her feelings because she also felt that they were irrational and rather than confront them and seek help she tried to justify everything she was feeling because she didn’t want to ruin the way she was perceived by society. In the cultural confines that they were living her feelings were deemed as those of a madwoman and because of this she would have been looked down upon.

Susan’s feelings of emptiness only worsened after she sent her youngest children to school; what was previously seen as a blessing for her was now becoming a curse. “These hours, so Susan saw it, would be preparation for her own slow emancipation away from the role of the hub-of-the-family into woman-with-her-own-life. She was already planning for the hours of freedom when all the children would be “off her hands.””(Lessing, 641) Susan saw this time alone as freedom from past commitments, when she didn’t have to take care of anyone else but herself and enjoy her time alone, although rather than feel free she felt agitated and trapped. She didn’t know what to do with her free time and could not shed the ritualistic type role of her domestic duties. Although she had previously planned to go back to work when the children went to school she soon realized that she had been out of work too long to return to her old job. Her anxiety and agitation further progressed while the children were at school and rather than confront her feelings she tried to justify and rationalize them to herself,

“All this is quite natural. First, I spent twelve years of my adult life working, living my own life. Then I married, and from the moment I became pregnant for the first time I signed myself over, so to speak, to other people. To the children. Not for a moment in twelve years have I been alone, had time to myself. So now I must learn to be myself again. That’s all.”(Lessing 642)

After twelve years of having her life controlled by others and being bound to her household chores Susan found it almost impossible to escape them. She spent most of her days helping her maid, Mrs. Parkes, as well as she occupied her time with gardening and sewing the children’s clothing and general upkeep of the house. The time she had imagined she would have