Remembrance

Remembrance by Ryan Williams

What would my life be like if I had remembered everything that I should have? What if for that one instance I had remembered that girls name that I had forgotten the one night.

The girl that was so beautiful I would have killed the man next to me to talk to her. I had forgotten that beautiful girl's name. The girl that seemed to have liked me bought me drinks and told her friend how cute I was. When she asked what her name was, I told her I didn't know. I had forgotten not because I didn't care it was that when she was giving me her name my mind was elsewhere. I thought "This girl is so beautiful why is she talking to me." I hate myself because of it. The only word I can think of now that correlates with that bittersweet night is regret.

Regret is the feeling that follows the instant you can't remember something. Aside from the loss of a loved one or being lied to or cheated on, I think regret is one of the worst feelings a person can have because it is so personal. I regret to this day not remembering her name. I can only think what would have happened that night if I did.

Our flirtatious night would have lasted forever. Our legs locked, our hands clenched, our breaths deepening. One night could have turned into many. I would have never forgotten her name again. We would have spent every waking minute together.

Remembering her name would mean I would be with only her. Otherwise forgetting countless other names that didn't mean as much to me as hers did. I would to this day be faithful. I would be talking about that night with her as the day our lives changed, not as that one day I regret in my life.

I think back to questions people ask me and the remembered answers I give them, it was simple and life continued. When you forget something it's an awkward hiccup in life. The person who asks you the question has some kind of faith in you that you feel privileged to have. Then when you crush their faith with an answer of I don't know it's heartbreaking to you and to them. Dramatic or not, you are let down when you ask a question someone doesn't know. And you feel like you can't help a vulnerable person, which