Road to Forever: What Makes a Relationship Lasts?

Road to Forever: What Makes a Relationship Lasts?

        We can say that falling in love is much easier than keeping the love alive. Maybe that is why many people says that falling in love is not a choice, but, staying in love is a choice. Having butterflies in stomach, staying up all night because you are thinking of him or her, automatic smile in your face whenever you see him or her and bringing out the best of you, are some signs that you are madly and deeply in love. See, knowing and identifying you’re in love is easy. Creating a connection to building up a relationship is quite easy too, but keeping a sweet-mouthwatering-melted-chocolate relationship everlasting is quite challenging, knowing the obstacles that you and your lover might encounter along the journey of your love story.

        Being in a relationship is wonderful, yet, having a person and partner by your side until your last breathe, is one of the best thing that might happen once in your life. Someone, you can considered to be your better half. Before those couples had their happy ever after and lasts for decades and more, they also have their shares of misunderstandings, jealousy, tiring arguments and burning quarrels. Despite of everything, why they are still together? Is there sort of secret recipe of making a relationship lasts? Making a relationship is not an easy game, but, maintaining a long-term commitment out thrones the difficulties along the way.

“Keeping a relationship longer is not an easy task just like raising a child,” according to Mrs. Annie Biala and Mr. Bernard Biala, an old couple who have been together for 45 years. “Fights and endless quarrels can’t be avoided especially in a relationship. You need lots of patience, and, honesty should be a must, if you want your relationship work until the end of a life time.” This also the same to what Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist, thinks that honesty in a relationship lessens the difficulties and knowing there’s a trust between you and your love one brings freedom and comfort that helps a relationship work to the best possible way.

“Taking care and raising five kids is already difficult, how much if there all boys? You will know that a couple is drifting away from each other when they started to become busy and forget about their own quality time. So, no matter how busy in whatever business you’re engage with, never ever forget to have a time for each other. Maybe a date once a week?” Mrs. Biala said. Spending time together can come in a lot of forms and if it’s always default time and never a date night, may it just be that the couple is taking each other for granted. "It takes work to keep the romance alive and the couple has to make a conscious decision to put this work in. Schedule regular dates and don’t include your couches and PJs." (Ravid Yosef) Making efforts build difference that is good in a relationship.

        If you want to make a relationship longer, you should always remember, don’t be another person, and just be yourself. “One clear sign that your partner feels at ease around you is that they feel comfortable talking about anything with you.” (Shlomo Slatkin) You don’t need to be someone she or he will like, because if you’re comfortable about yourself, even with all the flaws, your partner will feel cozy being around or being together with you. This will be a great factor to make your relationship fun and not boring.

        Pride is not only one of the deadliest sin, but also one of the ingredients that destroys a relationship. In a quarrel, pride adds the fuel to the fire, and the worst part, causes communication breakdown, later on, the relationship collapses. Being stubborn and hardheaded is a big no. Apologize when you committed a mistake and even you didn’t. Saying sorry is not about whose right, who’s wrong, but it’s about admitting your mistakes that clears misunderstandings and prevent farther arguments. Those in a healthy partnership will take a blow to their pride if it means ending an argument or letting their partner know that they are sorry (Hersheson).

        "If both partners are able to endure an illness, money difficulties, family issues, or a life-changing experience that has caused great stress, and the support they are able to give one another is a lasting memory that can bare the fullness of time," Janet Zin, a relationship therapist, said. Simply, the strength of a relationship is measured during tough times and you need each other’s shoulders in those moments. Having the willingness to support each other in tough times is a sign that your relationship will continue to grow and have big possibility that it will lasts.

        Commitment is not only about staying committed but also the exerted efforts to stay committed. It only means that you are not only devoted to the relationship, but also, dedicated to your partner. So, if you had a fight with your lover, you should try to solve it, even it takes a long run, rather than just walk away, slam the door, ignore the misunderstanding and let the relationship become unhealthy and broken.

        The most important part is: making the love alive. According to Kelly Campbell, an Associate Professor of Psychology, that there are two types of love in a relationship---romantic and companionate. Romantic or passionate love is frequently felt during a new born relationship. However, this kind of love is like a roller coaster, there is the excitement in the highest point, but fades quickly. On the other hand, researchers demonstrate that companionate love found at best friends tends to have the happiest, most long-lasting couples. It’s because this kind of love, is more stable and the bond is deep, comfortable and caring. The risk is that the partners begin to feel much like friends. To keep the spark, give the satisfaction your lover needs. Express your love, whether it’s verbal or not, so your love one will feel the sincerity that she or he is the only one in your life. This is somehow a way to prevent your partner commit infidelity.