Should We Live Together

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Should We Live Together?

What Young Adults Need to Know about Cohabitation

Alita Lyon

Utilizing Information, COM 125

Professor Verdi

June 17, 2007

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Should We Live Together?

A Review of the Literature

Cohabitation is replacing marriage as the first living together experience for young men and women. When brides walk down the aisle over half have already lived together with a boyfriend. For today's young adults, living together seems like a good way to achieve some of the benefits of marriage and avoid the risk of divorce. Couples who live together can share expenses and learn more about each other. They can find out if their partner has what it takes to be married. If things don't work out, breaking up is easy to do. Therefore, one purpose of this paper is to report on the available research. What are the pros and cons (if any) on living together before marriage?

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Not surprisingly, young adults favor cohabitation. According to surveys, most young people say it is a good idea to live with a person before marrying. This generation of young adults is so eagerly aware of the weakness of marriage, it is especially important for them to know what contributes to marital success and what may threaten it. Yet many young people do not know the basic facts about cohabitation and its risks. Nor are parents, teachers, clergy and others who instruct the young in matters of sex, love and marriage well acquainted with the social knowledge of the consequences of living together before marriage. Let's take a look at living together.

You've been dating for awhile and are wondering if it's a good idea to move in together. Living together is more acceptable than ever in today's culture, but there are still some negatives that you may want to consider before making this big decision and you start planning. The discussion ends with a decision to move in together to save money and to see if you are compatible.

Living together before marriage is one of America's most important and unexpected family trends. By simple definition, living together or unmarried cohabitation is the status of couples who are sexual partners, not married to each other, and sharing a household. It is estimated that about a quarter of unmarried women between the ages of 25 and 39 are currently living with a partner and about half have lived at some time with an unmarried partner. Can you believe only thirty years ago, living together for unmarried, heterosexual couples was against the law? It was considered immoral, living in sin or at the very least highly improper. Women who provided sexual and housekeeping services to a man without the benefits of marriage were regarded as fools and loose.

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Women to this day seem to have a harder time living up to what society thinks she should do or not do, Men of course, are always awarded for their actions whether immoral or not .They are not frowned upon like woman are. A double standard existed, but cohabiting men were certainly not regarded with disapproval. Today, the old view of cohabitation seems yet another example of the brutal pass. The new view is that cohabitation represents a more progressive approach to intimate relationships. How much healthier women are to be free of pressure to marry and disgrace when they don't. How much better off people are today to be able to exercise choice in their sexual and domestic arrangements. How much better off marriage can be, and how many divorces can be avoided, when sexual relationships start with a trial period.

Surprisingly, much of the research suggests otherwise. What most cohabiting couples don't know, and what in fact few people know, are many recent studies on unmarried cohabitation and its implications for young people is that living together before marriage may seem like a harmless or even a progressive family trend until one takes a careful look at the evidence. The majority of young people today want to marry and have children. And many if not see cohabitation as a way to test marital compatibility and improve the chances of long-lasting marriage.

Their reasoning is as follows: Given the high levels of divorce, why be in a hurry to marry? Why not test marital compatibility by sharing a bed and a bathroom for a year or even longer? If it doesn't work out, one can simply move out. According to this reasoning, cohabitation weeds out unsuitable partners through a process of non commitment. Over time, (hopefully) perhaps after several living together relationships, a person will eventually find a

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marriageable mate. So they believe. Be aware of the dangers of multiple living together experiences, both for your own sense and wellbeing. For your chances of establishing a strong lifelong partnership you do not learn to have better relationships from multiple failed cohabiting relationships. In fact, multiple cohabiting is a strong predictor of the failure of future relationships.

As a goal of social change, therefore, perhaps the best that we can hope for is to contain cohabitation in ways that minimize its damage to marriage. With that goal in mind, there are principles that we might give to the young adults to guide their thinking about living together before marriage. If couples decide to live together they need to consider some facts and understanding. Couples should limit cohabitation to the shortest possible period of time. The longer you live together