Stepfamilies

Adelina Celio

Chapter 3

1. One of the best ways to give your new step family a chance to succeed is to take care of yourself first. I believe this is important because after a divorce emotions are weak and could be confusing. Allowing yourself to heal properly and get back to your normal self will allow more success in your step family as you no longer tend to think about what you lost and just enjoy the new experiences.  
2. Taking care of yourself is an unselfish deed because first you should always put your health and needs before other things if needed. Putting yourself first is necessary for the healing process to go smoothly and to get yourself back to the same person you were before the divorce. For example, when my dad got married I was at a lost and felt so low because I thought I was losing my family. I was younger but I had to put myself first to fully understand the changes. I ended up going to counseling with my parents to help me accept these new changes. Down the road, it helped me coupe with my new step family on my mom’s side.
3. Regrets and resentment can get in the way of your step family because you are constantly thinking about what happened in the past and how angry it made you. When the negative thoughts are constantly in the head then it makes it that much harder to move forward with your new family. One I still hold onto is the fact that my dad did not put me first during his 6 month marriage. The only pay off I see from holding on to them is just learning from it and laughing at it now that it is in the past.
4. Before joining a step family, children lose a main thing and that is both parents together. Losing your old life is difficult for a child to understand. Personally, this was my biggest lost. I blamed myself of my parent’s separation and hated the new change since I was always close to my parents. This affected my step family because when my mom got married I chose to not be close to my step dad. Now we close and I consider him
5. The plus side is that I did not have to say goodbye much. I had a tough time with my dad’s marriage but it was short. My mom’s marriage is still going and I was lucky enough to not have to completely saying goodbye to my old family. My mom and dad are best friends and still have a close relationship so I did not have to say goodbye much. The only thing is that they are not within the same roof.
6. Unresolved feelings can create loyalty conflicts because as a child you can sometimes feel uncomfortable to speak to your problems about a problem due to the step family. This can also be a problem because at times the child might feel like they have to choose between the parents on who they like more.
7. Some advantages can be that it can help stop fighting within the couple or dis-agreements. A mediator doesn’t take sides and can help the family find a happy medium.
8. I’ve learned to let go of any anger I had towards my dad when he was in his marriage. What helped me let go of these feelings was talking it out, going to counseling and the fact that they got divorced shortly after. I never had a relationship with her and I no longer am angry or feel guilty.