Surviving

30 ways to survive in footscray

1) Do not walk the streets after 7 pm if you are non-asian

2) Do not walk in da notorious Rupert Street (There have been many rape cases reported there... Even guys ain't safe)

3) You have to have dyed hair, carry a knife and have your posse around you to go to Club Leeds.

4) Bullet-proof glass must be installed in cars and store windows

5) Do not talk to heroin-addicted bogans if they ask you for a ciggie or $108

6) Pretend you're on the phone when a man who smells like smoke and stale beer is staring at you (Make sure you talk into a cheap phone like bricks and phones made before 2001)

7) Do not enter Hustlers after 9 pm (You are likely to get beaten up with sticks and cue balls

8) Do not draw attention to yourself (Nobody likes a show-off)

9) Do not wear mini-skirts or tight Kylie Minogue shorts (Men are more likely to rape you rather than talking to you)

10) If some gangsters want to start you, pretend you don't know english and act dopey as if you wanted to say hi.

11) If your car is parked outside your house, check it every 5 minutes. An expensive garage may do the trick. There are no guarantees.

12) Check if your wheels are missing before you drive your car

13) Running away from gangsters while hiding in the church doesn't make you safe

14) Always be accompanied with 3 strong men. The medical bill will cost less than expected

15) Don't tell anyone you own a pet, its likely to be a banquet

16) If they ask you for something, just give it to them. You'll only receive