Ten

There's nothing. There's always been nothing. I like it that way. It's just one day after another. Wake up, eat, school, home, eat, sleep, repeat. That's all it ever is. Oh, and throw in the occasional news about my dad's nasal pharyngeal cancer. It's never really enough to break up the monotony of day to day life. The very next day derailed my entire lifeÐ'... Yesterday, I was ten, and today, I am still ten years old. Life isn't supposed to be exciting for a ten-year old. Nothing stands out about me. I have no friends, and I'm ten.

A red glow is cast across my eyelids; it's time to start another day of ennui. I wake up, I eat, and I go to school. I listen to electricity buzzing through the fluorescent lights for six hours. I come home, and I get a call.

William, it's Sister.

Mmmhhmmm.

We were taking Dad home from the hospital; something's happenedÐ'...

Huh?

He's in very critical condition; you should be here.

He'll be fine.

You should be here.

He'll be fine.

Alright.

The tedium breaks. Somebody put a penny on the train tracks of life. It won't be long before my entire life derails. I'm ten, I don't think about it. I watch cartoons.

The phone rings.

What the hell?

It keeps ringing.

Alright....

I reach over and pick up the hard plastic phone.

William, it's Sister.

Mmmhmmm.

It's Dad.

Nothing.

You need to be here. Aunt Ling is going to pick you up and take you to the hospital.

Nothing.

Okay?

I grunt. I hang up.

It's starting; my life is going off track. Something is wrong. That's all I know. My mind yearns for rest, and things start drifting in and out of focus. My monochrome world fades to black. I wake up; I'm sitting in the back of my aunt's Lexus. I grip the cool leather seats. I close my eyes again and pretend to sleep. As soon as I close my eyes, Aunt Ling starts shaking me.

We're here, wake up.

I mumble incoherently. I'm not sure what to do. In fact, I don't have a clue about what to do. I open the door. I swing my legs outside and let my feet rest on the warm tacky asphalt. My eyes focus and adjust to the brightness of outside. Everything is back to its monochrome state: shades of black and white wash out the blue of the sky. My aunt speaks.

Come on, hurry up.

I chase after her towards the door. The car alarm beeps behind me. I keep running to catch up. I slow at the entrance to the hospital and catch my breath. My lungs inhale in sharp jagged breaths. I'm breathing in the hospital air. It smells funny. It smells like sick people; it smells like death. I hear screams. They sound almost like the laughs of hyenas.

William, tt's Dad! He'sÐ'...

I wait.

He'sÐ'...

The screaming and sobbing continues. I keep waiting.

He's passed away! He's dead.

Nothing. I have nothing to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. Everybody else is crying. Should I be crying? No, why should I be crying? This is all some stupid joke. Right? They sound almost like they're laughing. Dad isn't dead.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! HE'S DEAD.

Nothing. My mother and sister each take one of my shaking, clammy hands. They pull me down the hall. Through one set of sliding doors, and then take a right past some nurses, through another set of sliding doors. It goes on and on. We weave through the hospital maze. Finally we come to a stop in front of a door. It looks like the door to a closet. My mother puts her hand on the doorknob and turns it slowly and deliberately. It's almost as if she doesn't want to wake somebody up. I tell them to stop joking.

It's