"The Importance Of Being Earnest" Script Adaptation

Ernest Remake Script

Algernon: Layne-man did ya hear me playin da piano?

Lane: No, wasn't listening

Algernon: Eh so'k boi, how dem q-cumbuh san'wiches commin?

Lane: They're all done. Don't eat them. They're for Lady Bracknell

Algernon: Ya know me pretty well man, but I know dat woah-mon is pretty crazy bout dem'san'wiches. But boy, do I have the muncheeeees!

Algernon proceeds to take some of the sandwiches and scarf them down

Lane: Jack is here

Algernon: Mah boi Jack? Send 'im on in

Jack: ALGY MY MAIN MAN, WHATS GOIN ON!?

Algernon: Nothin much mah boy. Ya know, Gwendolen should be showin' up sometime soon with Aunty B

Jack: H'alriiight. I totally have this super sweet plan to get her in the sa- Get her hand in marriage.

Jack looks over to see that Algernon is ignoring him and is devouring the "q-cumbuh" sandwiches.

Jack: Dude, dude... dude, not cool. You know Lady B aint goin to be so fly with you eating all her food. Its that time for her, you know how irritable she is.

Lane: Your guests are here.

Enter Lady Bracknell and Gwendolen (who is already blabbing about something)

Gwendolen (Behind the chatter of everyone else): So then I was like "Yeah" and she was like "No way" so then I told her "Yeah way!" But I don't think she really believed me

Bracknell: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

Lady Bracknell grabs her purse and proceeds to beat Algernon off the cucumber sandwiches

Algernon: Owww-mon. Whatcha go and do that for?

Lady Bracknell: You were eating all my food!

Algernon:...No mon! It was Layne. I was jus' examnin' the plate to make sure dat there weren't anymo. Layne, apolo -*beeeeeeelch* apologize to Aunty B!

Lady Bracknell: Damn it boy, how many times do I have to tell you its LADY BRACKNELL to you!

Gwendolen (Still blabbing behind everyone