The One Minute I Regret The Most

I guess it was building up; all my emotions, feelings, actions and words were becoming overwhelming and suffocating- not only for me but for my dear friends. I had been letting my emotions get the best of me for some time now; I was allowing myself to be bitter and sad about things that I had control over. I hated feeling like crap yet for some reason I couldn't stop myself; I didn't know what to do.

Matt had been close friends with my brother, Daniel, for a year or so and that's how I met him. He was a junior while I was a senior in high school. I was in dire need for a prom date so I asked him and luckily he said yes. Matt was such a sweet and kind guy who would do anything for anyone. I began to think of him as a really good friend. The very moment that I began to think this, a new me was silently being discovered. This is the moment when both truth and regret struck me right in the heart.

We were walking around the block near my great aunt's house. We were just talking and then all of the sudden I could not hold the emotions in any longer. I just started going on an emotional tirade.

"I'm sorry I always talk to you about these things. I really am," I said ashamed of my actions.

"Don't be sorry, why be sorry?" Matt responded.

"I'm just sorry for everything," I said with my head down as tears began to run down my face.

"Jenn stop. You know what, I'm not going to sugar coat this, you need to frickin start being more happy, ok, enjoy this life that you have and the health that God gave you and the life he gave you, because this is something that is so special, and I'm sorry that Dan and you don't get along but you're not doing anything to help it when you think the worst, you're always thinking the worst... stop it hun, your killing yourself, just stop being so damn in the dumps, smile, be happy once in awhile, and stop being so negative all the time, you've got one life, that's it." Matt sounded as if he had just spoken such profound and inspirational words.

It took awhile for everything he said to sink in and register. No matter how badly I didn't want to believe what he said, deep down I knew that he was totally right. I had not been doing anything to help my own cause; I was just hurting myself. I wanted to say sorry over and over again and make everything better.

"I'm sorry I dumped all of this on you," I tearfully stated.

"Stop, this is your