When Harry Met Sally

The film When Harry Met Sally shows many examples of negative and positive relationships. The positive relationships are healthy relationships and are best represented by the relationship between Harry and Sally. The negative relationships are unhealthy relationships and are best demonstrated by the relationship between Sally's friend Marie and the guys that she dates. Through these relationships, the film tries to answer the question, "Can men and women be just friends?", and also shows what can happen to a friendship when sex becomes involved.

The main point this film tries to convey about relationships is what happens to a relationship when two people cross that fine line between friendship and love by having sex. The main characters, Harry and Sally, are very good friends and have known each other a long time. They have what Sternberg would refer to as companionate love, which consists of commitment and intimacy (Sternberg and M. Barnes' study (as cited in Olson, David H. & DeFrain, John, 2003)). They openly share their feelings and provide emotional support for each other as they are each getting over heartbreak. The intimacy of their friendship grows as they become closer and their relationship deepens. They share holidays with each other and talk on the phone late at night before they go to bed. They only thing they don't have is sex. Although they may be secretly attracted to each other they don't disclose that information and nothing passionate ever happens between them. According to Harry, "Men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way," but Harry and Sally seem to be doing a pretty good job.

Despite the label of "just friends" that they put on their relationship, there are many factors present that point to them eventually having a romantic relationship. In lecture on September 11, 2006, we discussed factors that affect attraction. Harry and Sally display many of the factors: they are both physically attracted to each other (despite what Sally may say), they share similar backgrounds (they both attended the University of Chicago) and they share intimate details of their lives and tell each other everything. Finally all these factors do lead to a romantic relationship. One night when Sally breaks down about her ex-boyfriend, one thing leads to another and they end up having sex. Things are awkward for a while, but eventually they realize that they both still want each other's friendship and that they can also share that passion and still have a great relationship. They add passion to their relationship and complete Sternberg's love triangle.

Although I believe it is possible that men and women can be friends, there is always that possibility that something more can develop between them. As people spend more and more time together they may finally realize that they are compatible and could have a romantic relationship. It is possible that friends can ultimately realize that they are better as lovers. "The strongest love relationships have roots in friendship." (Olson & Defrain, 2003) It always helps the relationship if two people are friends first so there is something that lasts when the passion fades. Two people can also confuse the strong feelings that they have for each other for romantic love, when those feelings are just strong feelings of companionate love. In the case of Harry and Sally, their close friendship leads to a great romantic relationship.

Although Harry and Sally have a balanced and successful relationship, not all relationships in life are positive ones. There are many examples of unhealthy relationships in this film, two examples being marriage that ends in divorce and extramarital relationships. According to lecture on August 28, 2006, divorce rates are twice as high today as they were forty years ago. An example of this is seen when Harry divorces from his first wife. "A national survey of sexual behavior in 1994 found that about 21% of men and 11% of women had an extramarital affair at least once in their lives (National Opinion Research Center, 1994)" (Olson and DeFrain, 2003). The film also shows examples of