Writing

Why do we worry about the length and style of sentences, when we know most people just glance at a memo in the first place? The answer is simple, because long, complicated, meandering thoughts will not be read or comprehended by our target audience. The workplace is a notorious setting for bad letters and memos. My colleagues and I will often glance at a memo and either through it out or stuff it away in our briefcase. A more grievous offense is sending a long winded letter home to parents. Parents do not have the time or patience for such diatribes. An example of this scenario can be found at my workplace in the Chief Executive Officer's (CEO) letter home to parents.

The CEO's letter is way too long and will not be read by students, teachers, or parents. There are some issues with overall presentation and layout. The first thing that grabs your attention is the inserted table on page one. The table is flawed, because it has a column that is unnecessary (i.e., PA Proficiency Target). Additionally, the paragraphs follow the business letter format, which states a writer does not have to indent at the beginning of their paragraphs. The first two paragraphs appear as large blocks of information that can be imposing to a potential reader. The last problematic layout issue is the use of bold typeface in the bulleted item list. The other bulleted items appear less meaningful because of this lack of emphasis.

The first sentence is awkward and wordy. Williams's suggestions for concision are that a writer deletes meaningless words and information that can be inferred by a reader. The CEO writes:

The 2006-2007 school year was a year of many successes for the Philadelphia Electrical and Technology Charter High School (PE&T), from the our Best Practices School Award to meeting all 17 AYP targets.

The sentence does not need to include the school name, since you are writing specifically to members that belong to the school. The pronoun, our, is superfluous. AYP is not spelled out in the first sentence, but in the second paragraph the CEO states what it means. A revision of this sentence could be:

Last year was one of many successes at PE&T. We received the Best Practices Award and met all 17 Adequate Yearly Progress (AYP) targets.

You achieve concision, by dividing the sentence into two and deleting what a reader already knows. Your reader might actually continue with the paragraph.

The purpose of the paragraph is to encourage parents to help with student effort; however, the CEO finishes the paragraph with a complex sentence that use I'll. By using the contraction of I will, he creates the impression that he alone will promote student effort. In a discussion about the first person subject, Williams (2007) states, "We know that behind those impersonal sentences are still flesh-and-blood people doing, thinking, and writing" (p. 67). This letter is an example of where I should not be used. It creates an issue concerning tone. Additionally, there is no need for a complex sentence at this point. The ideas presented are