Cohabitation: First Step Towards Divorce

Cohabitation: The First Step towards Divorce

North Americans are turning cohabitation as a security blanket against divorce. But they are placing their relationships in danger; cohabitation is not the answer to the growing divorce rate. While most people think that living together is the best way to practice marriage or test a relationship, in fact it seems to set people up for marriage failure instead.

Public opinion on living together has changed significantly. At one time it was seen as morally wrong to cohabit, and even illegal. But today people are less judgemental and cohabitation is a personal choice; with more than half of all marriages beginning with cohabitation. Research has shown that there is a significant difference in couples that live together without being married compared with couples that are married. Unfortunately, many cohabiting couple do not enjoy the same benefits as their married counterparts.

How many cohabitation relationships end? About forty percent end the relationship within five years, and just over half end up getting married. Of the cohabiters that do marry, their chance of divorce is very high. "The divorce rates of women who cohabit are nearly 80% higher than those who don't," says a study by researchers from Yale (Brown and Booth, p. 668). It is interesting to note that premarital sex doesn't increase a couple's chance of divorce, but cohabitation does. Both cohabiting and married couples live together, so why is the divorce rate so high for those who choose to cohabitate? Being married symbolizes commitment and dedication to the other person, but cohabiting doesn't. Cohabiters may be more afraid of commitment or less dedicated to the relationship. Compared to couples who were married, those in cohabiting relationships reported having more fights and violence, lower levels of fairness, and less happiness in their relationships.

When people are living together casually, neither one has made a commitment exclusively to the other. What a marriage does is pledge to each other in front of your friends, family, and the world that you are devoting yourself completely to the other person. Cohabiting makes it easier for couples to live together but stay apart in many ways; cohabiting couples often keep their finances and future plans separate, and see themselves as separate, individual people. So if the relationship hits a low spot, it's easier to leave than try to fix it. Couples that feel cohabitation is a good step may feel less strongly about marriage in general, and once married, are less likely to be committed, making it easier to divorce. Some couples who use cohabitation as a "trial marriage" aren't ready for the commitment of marriage, and have the attitude that if things go wrong, they can just leave. If those couples decide to marry that attitude carries over into the actual marriage.

Nearly every child of cohabiting couples does less well than children in traditional married families. As marriage becomes less connected to childbearing, children are more likely to be exposed to many relationships with adults coming in and out of their lives. Approximately 24 percent of Canadian children are born to cohabiting couples, which means that more children are currently born to cohabiting couples than to single mothers. Children born to cohabiting couples are more likely to go through a parental breakup compared