Communication

Donna Cotter

English 101

John Held

April 5, 2006

The key to a successful marriage is communication. To be sure it is one of the most basic skills needed to establish and maintain any human relationship; unfortunately it is consistently ranked as the number one problem in marriages. In a marriage it is especially important that a couple master the ability to communicate. Communication skills must be developed, practiced, refined, and renewed throughout our lives.

The scenes that I am about to describe is about a fellow coworker of mine and her name is Sonia. Sonia is married to Hugo and they have been married for almost six years. Sonia and Hugo have not mastered the ability to communicate effectively throughout their marriage. Have you ever gone into a restaurant and looked around the dining room? What do you see? I see couples or families engaged in conversation. Sonia and Hugo are the couple you see that are never engaged in conversation. They sit across from each other and just stare at one another. They really never have anything to say. Hugo feels that since they are husband and wife, they must do everything together and they also must spend every possible free moment together. In essence they have virtually nothing to say to each other outside of their home.

If an argument starts brewing between the two of them, Sonia will often clam up and say nothing at all. She is afraid to communicate her feelings. Hugo is very opinionated and if you don't agree with him, he could go on and on for days. Hugo will often say hurtful things in the heat of the moment and have no thought for the consequences of his actions. When Sonia approaches him about it, he never apologizes. Hugo will often say, well what do you expect, I was angry. They never discuss the argument that took place.

Trust is a very big trust issue between the two of them. Hugo says he trusts Sonia but he really doesn't. He will often search her pocketbook and her car. If Sonia comes home from work with a smile on her face, Hugo will often accuse her of having an affair with someone at work. Sonia and I work in an environment where the majority of people are woman.

I often wonder how Sonia can survive in that type of a marriage. Sonia will usually respond, in our marriage vows, it was for better or for worse, and right now we are experiencing the worst times. She says that she is still in love with him despite all the rocky times.

Communication breakdowns can result in negative behavior patterns. Negative behavior patterns run rampant in their relationship. Hugo will often blame Sonia for their marital problems. One of his favorite expressions is that he is the only one holding the marriage together and if it wasn't for him, there marriage would be in pieces. Sonia will often respond by saying, you are doing a really great job holding our marriage together so, stay with it. In reality Sonia is placating her husband.

My favorite negative behavior pattern is gunny sacking. Sonia will harmlessly say things to Hugo over the course of a