Letter To Tony

June 12, 2006

Dear Tony,

I am writing this letter to you, because I believe that it is about time for a change. Please read this letter when you have time to give some thought to all the bases that I am going to touch upon.

I am 20 years old now, old enough to be starting a life of my own, old enough to truly forgive those I care about for their past mistakes, old enough to know when people need another chance and when another chance would just be wasted on a person, but also, old enough to realize that some people are beyond hope and may never change and old enough to accept this fact.

You are my father in the sense that half of my genes came from you. Throughout these 20 years you have missed a lot. You missed spelling bees, plays that I had lead roles in, hockey and tee-ball games where I was one of the best players... and the only girl on the team, you missed the first time I ever sang in public, (the day I realized that I was a great singer.) you've missed ALL my solo's that I've won and the talent shows that I sang in, you missed the dance competitions that I won. You missed when I got excellent grades and when I got bad ones, you missed when I had an allergic reaction to shrimp on my seventh grade trip, or when my teachers told me that I was so perfect that they'd wish that their daughters came out just like me, or that I was the most beautiful/ intelligent student that they'd had inside and out, you missed the fact that I got honored for my high scores on the MCAS standardized test, or my good grades on the SAT's, and when I blew the ASVAB out of the water, (because my score was so high). You missed my graduations from middle school, and high school, and I don't want you to miss my graduation from college or my wedding some day.

The point that I'm trying to get to is that I would like you to be SOME part of my life even if it is a small part. I don't want to be ashamed of you anymore. I know this sounds harsh. But it is true. When people ask me about my father and why he's not around all I can say is that:

"He's an alcoholic that lives in Salem, who works as a mechanic and gets paid under the table so that he doesn't EVER have to pay child support, and he's NEVER been there for me... Basically my mother has been my mother/father/ my everything."

It is sad that this is all true, and funny that you still live this way although we have never asked you for ANYTHING. My mom has ALWAYS found a way to provide for us as much as was humanly possible. Yet you continue living the "shady" life.

Just so you know NO one is going to go trying to collect child support from you because of Lorenzo and me. We're grown up already we're working towards sustaining ourselves, not depending on other people.

What I'm asking from you is that you get yourself together. Stop being someone to be ashamed of and start being a man, that my brother can look up to, and that I could turn to if I just want to have conversation. A man that I would want to see me walk down the isle when I get married in five or six years. A man that I know would never let me see him drunk because he wants me to think only good of him.

Tony seek some help please, c lean yourself up and try to stay clean, and if you need help you have so many people around you that care