Making Sense of online Dating - Is online Dating Bad for Society?

MAKING SENSE OF ONLINE DATING

IS ONLINE DATING BAD FOR SOCIETY?

JOÃO MIGUEL GOIS

IE UNIVERSITY

       As a society, we are currently in a period where we are exposed to new technology on a very regular basis. This reality originates a reaction, from people, of fear of the unknown and a general lack of trust towards new things. One of the forms of new media, that has been around for a while, but it’s still not accepted with ease by many, is online dating. Should online platforms like Tinder and Hot or Not be a concern for the way we are dealing with relationships nowadays? Are we creating a dangerous world for teenagers by accepting the existence of this platforms? Who should we blame for the dangers of online dating? People make their choices; technology doesn’t force anyone to interact with it. We should look at technology dangers and issues as motive to improve it and not to eliminate it.

       Online dating, defined as “the practice of searching for a romantic or sexual partner on the Internet, typically via a dedicated website” is often described as a tool for people who fail to get a relationship in the old-fashioned way (Oxford dictionaries, 2016). This ideology criticizes this new concept as the scenario is based on a virtual platform. Many scholars argue that technologies are making people have less profound relationships, since they remove most of the fears that one has in a face to face interaction. This type of concern, according to Baym (2010) falls in the concept of “technological determinism” which can be summarized by the idea that “technology shapes society” and in a “dystopian” line of thinking it commonly disapproves new media (page 25).

       In the mind of a Dystopian Technological Determinist, online dating is clearly a case of a tool that is making people have less authentic relationships. The concept agglomerates all the “don’ts” that society has in the back of their mind when talking about dating someone. Don’t do a long-distance relationship. Don’t date someone you don’t know well. Don’t trust strangers. Therefore, we should blame technology for creating new media that motivates all this risks and makes them seem normal among teenagers.

       The fallacy results from blaming the tool and not the user. Many individuals never resort to such a tool, maybe because they don’t find it normal or safe, maybe because they are not looking for someone to date, or maybe because they never even thought about it. This proves that it is a matter of choice to engage in these activities and the creation and existence of networks like Tinder is not what makes relationships fail or being fake, the people in those relationships are the ones to blame for any of the possible outcomes, since, after all, it’s their choice and their actions that are going to define the result. Basically, we are talking about a “social construction of technology” (Baym, 2010, page 39), new media is created to fill the needs of society. The concept that “technologies arise from social processes” (page 39) its more solid, since it acknowledges that the choices made by developers and designers, as they create new technologies, are dependent from the social contexts they come from. In short, online dating was created by people, and is used by people, so why blaming the technology for the outcome, good or bad, when we should blame the people behind it.

       With that being said, I am not stating that online dating is bad or good so far, I just consider that any of the conclusions that we take from it should be addressed to the people that are involved in it. On that note, are people making a bad decision when engaging with these platforms? Most likely not. It is a fact that we are subscribing to a whole lot of dangers when starting a relationship online. Mostly because one never knows who he is talking to, we just know what the person behind an account wants us to. The user will always be shown a self-portrait of someone that is hiding convenient details with an intention. However, isn’t it the same in face to face relationships? In all the interactions we have as humans, being them forms of communication, there is always the chance of manipulating or faking messages. Everyone has the ability to lie, and this is achievable both online or in so called real life.        

       On the other hand, platforms like Hot or Not are giving us tools that create new possibilities that we previously didn’t have. These apps allow the user to filter the people that are suggested to them based on factors like interests, location, beliefs and so on. Therefore, it is an advantage for someone that is looking to meet a potential boyfriend or girlfriend to know in advance that that person has some characteristics that are common. Also, it is convenient, in the society that we live in today, since people are always stressed for time. Sometimes going on a date or spending time investing in the early stages of a relationship are not top priorities in terms of the time someone seeking to further their career is willing to expend. Online dating gives you multitasking opportunity, something that before was impossible and was the reason for many relationships to fail.