Mourning a Divorce

Vanessa Klintworth

April 26, 2016

Process Analysis Essay

For many people their wedding day is one of the most important days of their lives.  The thought of spending the rest of their life with a person they love is both comforting and exciting.  Nobody gets married with the intention of getting a divorce; sometimes it just happens.  Divorces happen for a variety of reasons such as: lack of communication, financial problems, infidelity, and substance abuse. The effects of a divorce often lead to feelings of: stress, anger, pain, fear, guilt, and sadness. These feelings are normal and part of the divorce mourning steps.

 Divorce is different for everybody.  People react differently but no matter the circumstances, you will feel some sort of emotion.  Not everyone will experience the same emotions.  It is helpful to know how the divorce mourning steps work and what is experienced within them.

 The first stage is known as the Denial Stage.  When a decision to divorce is either made or thrown at you, you may act as if nothing happened.  You may continue your normal routine and refuse to deal with what is happening in your life.  People around you may think everything is great in your life but in reality, you are just going through the motions.  Feelings of shock and numbness are common in this stage.

 The second stage is called Pain and Fear.  Major changes will be happening in your life.  The one person you trusted the most may have hurt you or the acceptance of the marriage ending is staring you right in the face.  As the denial subsides, chances are you will feel the pain of your marriage ending and be fearful of what life has in store for you.

 The third stage is known as the Anger Stage.  Divorce is stressful and can often lead to anger.  Chances are you will feel anger towards your ex-spouse.  You may also feel anger towards in-laws, parents, and friends.  Anger is a normal emotion but it's important to remember that others may feel angry as well.  If there are children involved, they will also be having these feelings.  They may try to place blame on either you or your ex for the break-up.  If your anger becomes unmanageable, seeking counseling is a great way to make it through this stage.

 The fourth stage is the Bargaining Stage.  Once the anger subsides, it is normal to try to avoid the ending of your marriage.  Either you or your ex may promise to change past behaviors for a shot at a second chance.  Typically, this happens simply to stop the pain being felt and to regain some control of the situation.

 The fifth stage you might experience is the Guilt Stage.  The divorce may have not been entirely your fault but you may not be able to place all the blame on your ex either.  It's normal in this stage to think about how things could have been done differently and how situations could have been prevented.  You may question your effort and behavior within the marriage.  This can result in wanting to turn back time to make things better.