The Epiphany Of Divorce

"Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding."

Ambrose Bierce, American Writer, Journalist, Editor 1842-1914

The Epiphany of Divorce

Through much evaluation and reflection I can identify one instance in my life when my perception of the situation was far from the true reality. The ending of my first marriage and the subsequent change in my thought process has allowed me to step out of a perpetual cycle of enculturation imposed upon me by society.

Ð'* What did you think was going on?

I felt there were no problems with this relationship. The perception was that we were happy, everything was going perfectly or so I thought. We were building a new home, building a future together, and building a better life. I was content and satisfied with life and the relationship I was in. The marriage was idyllic, with little to no confrontation or major crises and ultimately fulfilling. Because we never had any knock down drag out fights or spoke badly of one another there was the perception that everything must be ok. We were financially secure, young and healthy and in love, well at least I was.

Ð'* What was really going on?

The reality of the situation was my marriage was on the rocks. There was a rift developing within the marriage and I was blind to the reality. Blinded because I was working too much in my professional life and building a new home instead of working on my relationship my marraige. I was a workaholic working 50 to 60 hours per week trying to provide what I thought was a better quality of life, not realizing the damage was already done . We were simply coexisting and adhereing to the staus quo, instead of building a new relationship based on us as a couple.

Ð'* Why was there such a difference?

The difference between the perception and reality of the failing relationship can be found in enculturation or the example set by my parents. My parents were married young. My father was easy going, non-confrontational, and worked a lot to support the family financially. My mother was a housewife who maintained the household. This model was what I based my marriage on and through family influence of watching my father work a lot, I came to a realization that if it had worked for my parents and their parents before them, then this is all that is needed. I was providing a life of financial stability what else was necessary? Similar to Dr. Bernie's lecture and the "ham" story, I did not question what I had "learned" about relationships through my parent's marriage. I simply accepted it as fact and just assumed "if it worked for them, it must work for me". Marriage is about compromise there is a constant battle for balance within your professional and personal life. Without balance there can not be both.

Ð'* What happened?

The marriage