Sula

Mothers and Daughters

Do we really control who we are? As people we are often told that we can be anything that we want to be. We believe that we have the ultimate control over the adults we become. Maybe, however this notion is not true. What if who we are is decided for us by our upbringing? It is decided by the environment and manner in which our parents decided to raise us in. The idea that personality is influenced by a set of choices that we have no control over is scary. Is it possible that as adults we only control our experiences but not our reactions to them? In, Nobel Prize winning author, Toni Morrison's novel Sula this idea is examined. The novel takes a deeper look at the fact that there is no way for us to escape who we were taught and showed to be as children. It examines this idea by chronicling the life of two young girls who share a close bond, through their friendship. At the start, the two young girls, Nel and Sula, are determined to be anything but the women of their hometown when they reach adulthood. They promise to be different and unique to who they are by avoiding the societal roles that are set in place for them. However we see a full circle especially in Nel, when she becomes the one woman she despised the most, her mother. Nel is unable to escape becoming her mother due to the fact that she is a product of her upbringing, which was mainly influenced by her mother.

Nel learns to be passive when put in uncomfortable situations through the actions of her mother, Helne, which she observes as a young girl. On their way to her great grandmother's funeral Nel observes her mother's passive behavior toward a white male conductor after being treated disrespectfully by him. "Then for not unearthly reason, at least no reason that anybody could understand, certainly no reason that Nel understood then or later she smiled." (21) The fact that the conductor called Helene "gal" and pushed his way past her and Nel was very rude and disrespectful. Helene, a woman who ridgeley conforms to all social roles, acts out second nature by smiling. Nel was disappointed in the way in which her mother handled the situation. The smile indicates that Helene was ok with the treatment that she received from the conductor. It sends the message that it is ok to be disrespectful of me. When Nel sees this reaction of her mother she is aware of the way that the other passengers are reacting to her response. " The two black soldiers, who had been watching the scene with what appeared to be indifference, now looked stricken... She (Nel) wanted to make sure that no man ever looked at her that way."(21-22) Nel is aware that her mother's reaction is weak by what she observes from the other passengers. By watching this scene unfold Nel makes a promise to herself at a young age to never act in a manner that would cause a man to look at her in a disappointed manner. Nel does not want men to pity her for being passive nor does she want to let people disrespect her. Although she makes this pledge to herself as a child as an adult she is unable to keep it.

Nel adopts her mother's passive personality as an adult because of what she was taught as a child by her. Upon finding her husband in bed with her best friend, Sula, Nel's reaction mirrors her mothers. "They are not doing that. I am just standing here and seeing it, but they are not really doing it...But then they did look up. You did, Jude. And if only you had not looked at me the way the soldier did on the train... And I did not know how to move my feet or fix my eyes or what. I just stood there seeing it and smiling..." (104). When put in this very uncomfortable situation, Nel's reaction is almost identical to her mother's reaction on the train. Not knowing what to do, Nel finds herself

frozen and afraid to "rock the boat". Nel becomes passive and smiles as her mother did as an attempt to save her face. Just as the soldiers reacted to Helene's lack of gumption Nel's husband looks at her with the same disgust for not standing up for herself. Nel was taught this behavior by her mother. As a young girl she was showed that when put in an uncomfortable situation one should smile as a means to dealing with it. Even though she promises herself never to act in this way, when she observes this as a young girl, she is unable to break the pattern that her mother has laid out for her. This is because she is a product of her upbringing and being raised by Helene meant that she would reflect Helene. There was no way in which Nel would be able to escape be the woman her mother dreamed her to be.

Although, Nel promises to be her own individual she finds her self-unsuccessful in this endeavor, due to her mother's harsh and controlling upbringing. After returning from the trip to her mother's hometown Nel vows to become wonderful, leave Medallion, and stay true to herself. "I'm me. I'm not their daughter. I'm not Nel. I'm me. Me."(28) Nel tells herself this as if in an effort to express and convince herself that she is a true individual.