The Analytical Essay

Assignment 1 – The analytical Essay

Question answered:

Explain how a specific event, circumstance, or situation has helped shape some aspect of your personality or interests.

Brainstorming

• Moving to Canada
• Lack of confidence
• Discovering hockey
• Finding courage to play
• Falling in love with the game
• Improvement in ability
• Self esteem increases
• Confidence increases
• Not afraid to try new things

Flexible Notes

Background

Leave Scotland

Move Canada

Shy person, hard to join groups

Ice Hockey

National passion

Local team

Watching NHL

Hockey community ion Prince George

Meeting females who play

Biggest sport in city

Very passionate

Courage to join a team

Confidence

Grows

Become more outgoing in new situations

More belief in self and abilities

Final thoughts

Best thing I did

Looking forward to October 2009

DRAFT

Thesis options:

1. Moving to Canada triggered a desire to learn to play hockey this in turn helped to grow my confidence and self-esteem.[pic 28]

1. Joining a team can help grow confidence which transpires to everyday life.^[a]

I packed all our belongings into a container and sent it off in a boat. Choosing the faster option, my husband and I got on a plane in Scotland and landed in Vancouver, British Columbia, eight hours later. It has been one of the bigger risks I have taken so far, leaving the comfort of family, friends and the familiar to take on the unknown and differences that come with a new country. ^[b]For me it was a chance to start to start a new life and in the ideals of the mind Canada was going to be the most perfect place to live. It hasn’t been perfect but there have certainly been no regrets.  My husband’s work brought us to Prince George a city similar in size to the one we had left behind, but with a strong community.^[c]

One of the discoveries I made was Canada’s national passion, ice hockey. I had not played team sports since I was at school so I certainly didn’t feel brave enough to play especially since I could not skate, which appeared fundamental to the game^[d]. I started off me content to watch the local teams and watch the professionals on the television. However my curiosity was not quite sated and I felt that there was something about this game I could not ignore. I finally plucked up the courage to go and join one of the many local teams; I started playing 3 months after the birth of my second child, just in case I wasn’t busy enough. ^[e]It was a fairly gruelling schedule with so many teams looking for spots in the city’s many ice rinks we had lots of games late at night, the blessing of this was at least my children were asleep so here was my chance to have  break and do something for me. In the end enjoyed playing so much the schedule became irrelevant, getting to sleep after the game when your body was still buzzing was the worst part.^[f]

Naturally I was not very good, having never skated and only ever played hockey on grass I felt like a burden on the team and that I was letting everyone down, my confidence levels plummeted and I began to doubt my decision, however through ^[g]the encouragement and support of my team mates I never gave up and in fact became more determined than ever to succeed. One day I scored my first goal and it was the boost I needed after that I became a more valuable member and peoples shoulder’s didn’t sag when I was put on their line in fact they smiled,^[h] I stared to feel more confident and my self esteem ^[i]was changing. At the end of year party I was presented with the most improved award, this shocked ^[j]me I looked back on my past and could only remember one other time I had been publicly encouraged and appreciated for what I had a achieved it felt amazing.

[pic 29]

I had no idea I would get so much out of playing hockey, mentally ^[k]it creates^[l] a distraction from everyday life, socially I have found out the benefits of being part of a team and made some great friends and it has shaped my personality in a way that gives me more confidence in myself^[m]. I now feel more able to try new things in addition to a growth in my self-esteem all of which transpires into my everyday life, I am really looking forward to the next season of hockey with some extra power skating sessions; with better skating I feel my confidence will be greater.^[n]

GLOBAL REVISIONS NOTES

FIT- Either option for the thesis do not work for the essay I would like the thesis to be more focuses on the title, a specific change and how it effects me. The conclusion needs to mirror this.

ADD – In the third Paragraph I mention people’s change of reaction since I scored the goal. I need this to sound different. I need to add something to make the point that, it may have been my perception of team mates now that I felt more worthy to be on their team and not actually a reality. They likely would have supported me irrespectively of the goal, but the goal shifted my confidence, so I played differently.